Thinking Out Loud

Movin on Up

2011-03-21T15:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, not really moving up but I decided, after a long sabatical, to jump back into blogging and encourage you to check out my new website (because I'm shutting this one down) called www.crazyonpaper.blogspot.com . Hope you come by and enjoy!

Music on my Mind this Month

2009-07-12T16:57:00.000-07:00

Laura Izibor- sigh, always great to find some neo soul - I like the Don't Stay song. Most folks probably know this one- From My Heart to Yours

Kings of Leon- I loves a little rock and his voice is a bit soulful, I don't know, I'm feeling it.
Use Somebody

Carolina- another rock one but I take it as a bit of Christian rock, not sure if they meant it to be taken that way.
Show Me What I'm Looking For

Kid Cudi with Kanye and Common - Not always into the current rap stuff unless you have some Common in it!
I Make Her Say

Eric Hutchinson- soulish pop. I like his sound. I like his Rock and Roll song, its been out a while now but still posting.

Count down begins

2009-07-12T16:24:00.000-07:00

So I have three, count em, three more weeks until I pick my crap up and move from the fair city of Bmore. Ah, Baltimore, Smaltimore, Baldmore, Bmore we had our fun. I shall not hate on you, you and I just were not a good fit. Funny though, as I talk to my DC friends, some a bit snobby about Baltimore (I'm still taken off guard by how many folk think Baltimore is mostly like The Wire, I'm kind of pissed at that series because of that), I can't help but defend the city. Although I didn't grow up in the city , I did make it my home for the last 4 plus years. It is much more than the crime that some out of towners seemed to think. We have the fabulous art and music scene here. Artscape is nationally known and Rolling Stone even rated Bmore number one in the music scene (yep we beat out New York can you believe it?). It has many nice residential areas and it's pretty diverse (although a bit separated). It's small but unpretentious.

I gave it a good college try. Joined many organizations, volunteered, went to local events, checked out the many types of night life. I really feel its going to be a great town some day soon. But for me, it's time to bid it adieu. As I tell folk I'm moving towards the DC area they smile and say good choice. Not one person, besides my dad who wants me to be closer to the family, says I shouldn't do it. I know DC has it's faults. The male to female ratio is not so great and DC guys can be pretty pretentious and superficial. However, the Maryland and Northern VA guys are a bit different and I'm not deterred (not as if I was living the single life here). Anyway, I'm moving for more than just a new single scene. I'm moving for a total change. I don't want to be in the same place in my thirties as I am in my twenties (except for the no wrinkles thing). Change is good. And most good things don't happen without taking a little risk so here I go! To make the most of this change, I will join new groups and try new things and keep you posted (as entertainment for you and as a way to hold myself accountable to actually do new things). Wish me luck!

Image from http://www.istockphoto.com/file_closeup/people/6017999-moving.php?id=6017999

Sadness

2009-06-25T16:13:00.001-07:00

Had to post something about the passing of Micheal Jackson. He was my first celebrity crush. Even with all the controversy he is one of my favorite artist of all time.
Keeping it short.
Here are some of my favorite MJ videos/songs (not only the king of pop but the king of videos)

Remember the Time - tried so hard to do those dances

Billie Jean- loved the little light up sidewalk, didn't know what the song was about at the time really

Beat It- I think I tried to do the fight/dance scene with my sister when I was younger

Smooth Criminal- Think I actually rented the little movie that was the extension of this song when I was little

The Way You Make Me Feel- I wanted to be that girl walking down the street (although the whole situation in real life was kind of dangerous)

Honorable Mentions

You Rock My World- I loved Chris Tucker in it and of course the dancing

Thriller - of course

Black or White- not my favorite song but loved seeing all the colors of people

In the Closet- thought I could be Naomi Campbell haha

No Video but gotta add Human Nature, Can You Feel It, Ben (sure it was about a rat, but it was sweet)

Rest in peace Mike- you are surely missed!

Best Buddy Comedies

2009-06-23T13:52:00.000-07:00

Recently saw the Hangover and absolutely loved it. I adore buddy comedies. It's only something I've come into in recent years but nothing beats the comedy of dudes. Women comedies, wait are there any well known ones. We're funny but there's just something that dudes do- they just take it there, places women wouldn't go without looking unattractive or just stupid which in turn makes them unattractive. The closest one I can remember is the Sweetest Thing with Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate and Selma Blair. Should I ever make it as a screen writer, I am going to write a good female comedy on the line of a buddy comedy but still realistic. And it would have to star Anna Farris, she isn't afraid to go there.

"According to the Journal of Popular Film and Television, buddy films emerged in the 1970s in response to the feminist movement. The journal reported, "To punish women for their desire for equality, the buddy film pushes them out of the center of the narrative and replaces the traditional central romantic relationship between a man and a woman with a buddy relationship between two men. By making both protagonists men, the central issue of the film becomes the growth and development of their friendship. Women as potential love interests are thus either eliminated from the narrative space or pushed into the background as side characters.""

Could women really do a comedy where finding love is merely a backdrop to the friendship? Other than my beloved Sex and the City of course- that's kind of a female buddy comedy but still it's not the same as, well here's a list of some of my favorites:

Wedding Crashers- Vince Vaughn made this movie and he's tops at buddy comedies (Swingers was entertaining).
Ghost Busters- it may not count but I think their friendship was key and it was funny to me. I still like watching it.
Old School- a bunch of dudes getting together to make a grown up post college fraternity. And it has Will Ferrell (also loved Anchorman)
I Love You Man- It's really all about friendship and was very entertaining
Superbad- teen buddy comedy, so funny
Tropic Thunder- may not be under that category but its an all male cast, being funny, growing by the end of the movie, so falls under it in my book
Stir Crazy- Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder-comic fun during the eighties
Bad Boys- falls under action but still focuses on their friendship/partnership with lots of laughs
Shaun of the Dead- a funny British horror/buddy comedy
Orange County- My first Jack Black film which I really liked

Any others? I know there are so many more. Hmm, time to get writing on my screenplay.

Just wondering...

2009-06-17T17:13:00.000-07:00

If we didn’t have the TV or the internet what kind of lives would we lead? Would we do things differently? Pursue alternative careers? Take up a hobby? Be more environmentally conscious and able (ie, know how to build, grow foods).

Why is this weather so crappy? If I wanted to live in a rainy, cloudy, humid city I’d have moved to Seattle, at least I heard it’s a pretty cool city!

Why, even after all this time, are there still no minority lead TV shows on network/non cable television? Seriously, you got to pay to find “ethnic” stars nowadays.

I’m beginning to have a feeling we might go to war with North Korea, it’s the first time I actually am not against a war in my life time (I’m feeling some kind of way about the American journalist being locked up and sentenced for 12 years for inadvertently crossing the North Korean border. One is a mother of a young child and the other has chronic health issues).

Why is it that with this economy hotels to certain cities are still pricey even though the flights to them have gone down? Great, I can get there, but where the heck am I going to stay?

Why is it that DC/MD/VA have some of the highest ticket prices and harshest ticketing in the country? I just got a $100 one for a camera speeding. With all the tickets I’ve paid I have hardly any room to give to another charity, I already give to a Federal and State one on what seems a monthly basis. I thought I had free parking but I’m paying a fee anyway…

Why is it that some people are small boned and others are big boned? What is the evolutionary significance? I get why there are differences in the races or why people are tall or short due to environmental adaption but I wonder why some of us are naturally bigger than others from jump start.

Just wondering…

No one on the corner got swagga like us

2009-06-10T14:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, so my friends and I were dishing about dating and we fused about how there really weren't any dating guides (or they aren't popular) for men. Women have a new tv show, book, site every month about dating. Sure men have books and shows about how to be players or be less of a tool but that's not the same as your average guy book about meeting Ms. Right. Is it because guys are too cocky to believe that they would have some flaws in dating? Why is it that women have to change or accept but it seems men don't?

However, my girls and I thought if were ever actually asked by a guy for some dating advice it would be for a guy to get some swag! A guy with swag can turn his dating value up several notches. Some guys, who've I told this to, seem to believe that it means women only want a bad boy. But there is a difference between a bad boy and a good guy with some self confidence and charm.

I liken the need for swagger in a guy to that of a woman looking her best. You need something to intrigue the opposite sex. If a woman went out to the bar with a muu-muu, a head scarf and bushy eyebrows no one is checking her. To me that's equivalent to a guy with no swagger. A guy has to be able to pull in a woman with a charming personality to get her attention. If he's just sitting there blending in the backdrop with a goofy smile he more than likely won't get a second look.

He doesn't need to be a player or give out any game. He can be a nice, sweet guy but he has to have some bravado, that thing that can make a girl think "okay, this guy is fun" or "this guy has my back, can protect me" or "this guy is interesting I want to know more". He has to have something in addition to being able to open the door for you and paying for your dinner.
That's just my two cents.

Nostalgia

2009-06-09T18:01:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Puerto Rico and will do a recap later but just saw this clip and thought all those who used to love Saved By The Bell might find this cute!

Mirror Mirror- Playing by Numbers

2009-06-01T08:17:00.000-07:00

Is it possible that someone thinks they look like Brad Pitt but to society they look more like Jack Black (not to knock on him but there is a marked difference). I have a friend who prefers to date white men but she believes (I don’t) that she appeals mainly to black men due to curvy figure. Hard place to be in if what you are attracted to isn’t attracted to you. I believe she will meet someone who appeals to her.

See my thought is that you should never judge your looks based on the types of guys/girls you attract. Kimora Lee, Heidi Klum, Selma Hayek are but a few prime examples (lets just say their men hit the jack pot superficially wise). At least I tell myself this. However, if one gets approached by 10 Flava Flav look alikes in a row, one can’t help but want to do a reality “mirror” check to reevaluate the image they are presenting to the world. And more importantly should they change their look to achieve attention from their desired type?

Research shows that people tend to date within one or two points of their looks level (not going to touch the fact that people are rating each other since it should be subjective and this study doesn't count in money or fame status which can make a difference). In the study people were given numbers and then they were to search for partners. Needless to say the higher numbers had an easier time and the lower numbers were the last to pick (just because you're a two doesn't mean you want another two). They were going based on the number ranking of what was hot (not necessarily if they thought the person was hot or not). With that in play, if we didn't have the superficial in the way, would we still end up with the same people? Do we actually (even if subconsciously based on how we act or dress) pick or not pick mates based on how attractive we view ourselves? Is physical attraction a man made mate selection tool (that as we've seen changes with time) or a natural tool of evolution/God's method for us to help choose our mates? And if its the latter are cultural influences in what is deemed attractive throwing us off from finding the right people we should naturally be attracted to?

Music on My mind This month

2009-05-30T13:08:00.000-07:00

Of course we have the usual suspect Maxwell's Pretty Wings- but everyone knows that one so I won't post

I actally love this guy which I heard Ed the Celeb shout out in her twitter and I raced to get this song from him on itunes (although his other stuff is good).
Ray Lamontagne- Trouble

I like this song, nothing super special- just cute-
Melanie Fiona-Give it to me right-

I'm not against religious songs I just rarely dig them but Mary Mary always comes through- It's the God in Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmGxUnyxw9g

I heard this song in He's Just that Into You and VH1s Tough Love, I kinda dig it-
Erin McCarley- Love Save the Empty

The Ting Tings, I like them, they are a bit unusual. Their first two songs Great DJ and Shut Up and Let Me Go (used in Apple commercial) were really good. This is their latest- That's Not My Name
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UX0p7uAW2s

Blaming the Black Man

2009-05-30T12:36:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought it was over yet another white woman who ends up being up to no good blames a fictitious black man to hide her crimes. The woman who called 911 to say her daughter and her were car jacked and abducted by two black men had really kidnapped her daughter and taken her to Disney world with some stolen ID. Okay, crime aside, why is it that black men seem to always be the scapegoat of choice for crime dealing white women? Can’t they at least one time say- a balding white dude did it, a fat Mexican did it, an Arab did it- I don’t care- just pick another racist poison besides black men! Can’t they get a break, if just for this year? For Obama at least? I’m just saying!

Random Train of Thought

2009-05-28T05:51:00.000-07:00

So I've been MIA becoming addicted to Twitter, editing and re-editing my fiction writing, planning for my trip to Puerto Rico (this time next week I'll be on a plane to San Juan- hoping it doesn't rain the whole time but still glad to get away!), searching for a new apartment (I'm moving closer to D.C. and I think it'll be a positive move), trying not to kill my neighbors (they won't shut the heck up and my sleeping patterns are awful now!), need to get my car repainted (it's been hit, scratched and is starting to irk my nerves every time I see all of its battle wounds), and looking for a new job (the one I have now has worn out its welcome- well except for the pay check part!). The list goes on.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed in my life. I'm just bored. Nothing worst than being bored with ones state of being. I have a lot to be thankful for, don’t get me wrong but I keep having a nagging feeling that I’m “destined for something greater” as the cliché goes. I won’t knock down my city again, it’s just simply not for me. I don’t even know what to do here anymore besides go to the movies and a few fairs/festivals. I’ve lost my mojo here. I joined a social sports group, even paid for the fee, and just don’t want to play. I keep spending my weekends (and gas) driving up to DC to hang with my DC associates because there is so much more going on over there and they initiate and invite me to things. My few friends here who do want to get out, ask me what to do (I guess because I’m the planner usually) and I got nothing for them anymore. Everything just seems like a bust. Maybe the vacation will kick start my spirit again- I don’t want to rest my happiness on the move- I may still feel the same where there but I do believe that change is good and since I’ve never lived anywhere else for any long period of time this might be good for me.

I’m trying to hold tight to my friends here but most of us are simply going our own ways. My mentor/coworker told me once that one of the mistakes she made at my age was holding onto friendships that weren’t meant to last. She would constantly be the one initiating doing things with certain friends and when she didn’t she’d never hear from them. One day she called a friend and asked where they’d been and the friend said sometimes people just grow apart. Here my coworker was thinking they were “true blue, tight like glue” and this “friend” didn’t even consider her. She said, sometimes, people are meant to be friends for a season and you shouldn’t have to force a friendship, if both sides aren’t making an effort, let it go before feelings get hurt. I’ve been there before a few times and don’t want to be there again- but how do you distinguish between the ending of a friendship and a friendship that is still good it’s just that paths are changing?

Still writing

2009-05-18T07:04:00.000-07:00

I was advised by a coworker to take up twittering as a way to network since as I've been saying I'm trying to publish my fiction writing. I've joined many groups which is great because it's improved my writing but many of the participants are in the same boat I'm in- trying to get their stuff out there. My coworker, who is a self published author suggested that I follow the "tweets" of some writers I like and maybe network that way since it take such little time (you can only write so much on each posting, maybe a few lines, so they'll be more likely to pay attention). I thought it couldn't hurt, yet this is just another online site I have to keep up with.

This made me think about how much I've publicized already. I started with Myspace (which I've basically abandoned and would close if I didn't still have friends through that site) then I moved over to Facebook and I actually still view that about once a week. Then came the blogging which has been a great outlet for me for about a year and a half now. Then I'm on an online writing group. Now I'm tweeting. Now I don't talk about my everyday life on their- no stalker is going to know what I'm watching every moment or that I'm about to head out to the grocery store. Still I sometimes can't help but feel that all this electronic communication is just work. I mean, not only do I write but I read because this is all an interactive process, you write your stuff, others read it and you read their stuff- that's even more time- enjoyable, but still time consuming.

I was never a phone person and I'm pretty quiet in person (unless I get a soapbox topic) so sometimes staying so connected becomes just another thing on my to-do list. This is especially so because my life is writing. I write (well legal related material) for a living and I write as a hobby so it can get pretty overwhelming.

I want to pare down some of my writing avenues but I actually like visiting them all from time to time (except that Myspace, that's it, I'm turning that off). Well at least this keeps my mind spinning!

As an aside, if you tweet, drop me your tweet address if you want to share or if you want mine.

Hiatus

2009-05-13T14:32:00.000-07:00

Hi peeps,
I'm still on my writing break to focus on really getting published but will be monitoring your sites and may post a few times. However, I have another blog called devoted to my writing that I'm focusing on again. Feel free to take a gander/comment if you'd like and if you're a writer and want to share - that's cool too. I mainly post poetry, and chapters from my two completed novels although I also have some stories in the work that I'm feeling out. Of course all work is protected.
http://crazyonpaper.blogspot.com/

Take care!

The Blame Game

2009-04-10T12:43:00.001-07:00

I actually posted this on Tuesday but did a double post so not sure anyone saw it (and I'm lazy and don't have anything new to post just this minute)..

So I just watched my new favorite reality show Tough Love on VHI (Sundays at 10pm) and was particularly involved with the story line of the 39 year old single successful and beautiful woman. She had connected quite well with a man that the match maker set her up with. They’d been going on a few dates until he asked the dreaded question all women hate to hear “Why are you still single?”.

When you are young this question is just random conversation in the dating world. “You’re so pretty, you’re successful, I’m surprised some guy hasn’t snatched you up yet.” At 24, you laugh and smile. At 30, you sigh and say “I just haven’t met the right one” instead of what you really want to say “I’m surrounded by losers, the pickings is slim”. At close to 40 you probably, as this woman didn’t, don’t want to talk about it. It’s most likely an especially sore subject by then and one of much frustration. And the guy wouldn’t let it go, instead he says “why haven’t you done match, why havent’ you put yourself out there?” As if he knew how she handled herself or that she would automatically meet someone by doing an online dating site.
As we age, the longer we are single the more society views us as having something wrong with us. No matter what Sex and the City tried to do for the single 30 something (and although I’m not there yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was) the stigma still remains. As the matchmaker told her, it’s almost as if we prefer a woman in her thirties, especially a pretty one with a good personality, to be divorced over never being married. It gives us some sense of understanding of the situation otherwise how could such a woman be single for so long?

This woman dealt with it very calmly around him but when she came back to the shows mansion she kirked out and her fellow single gals had to calm her down. At 39 I’d imagine that having some guy give you the third degree trying to find out what’s wrong with you because you’re single is quite frustrating.I particularly related to her story because I get that all the time and dispise that question with all my might. Guys don’t understand why I’m single and I feel like I have to defend myself when asked. To assure them that nothing is wrong with me because you usually get the next question is: when was your last long term relationship? If the relationship was long ago they make the determination (yes I’ve been asked) that I must not like being in long term relationships. Why else would I choose to be single? It’s not that I want to be single it’s that I don’t want to be in an unfullling relationship. Why date for the sake of dating? And who feels like, every time they date, going into the long spiel about how they just haven’t found the right one, the past guys were jerks, the area doesn’t have a lot of eligible men and so forth.

Dating becomes less about a fun time to hopefully lead to a relationship and becomes more of an intense interview for a competitive job. So yeah, she kirked out and I get it!

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Violence in the Time of Economic Down Turn

2009-04-07T07:08:00.000-07:00

We’ve heard about the gunman that killed eight people, blaming it on the loss of his job and the man who is robbing convenience stores with his child along due to losing his job and the list goes on. History shows us that violence and economic suffering go hand in hand.

There are few peaceful very poor countries. During the time of the Great Depression lynchings against blacks rose. And it makes sense.

When you are without money you become desperate which causes you to take on options you never thought you would. I was watching some show about how more corporate women who have been laid off are now going to stripping to earn a similar amount of money. Cop killings are also on the rise.

There is the frustration that no one can do anything and no one cares. Unfortunately these killers are taking it out on the wrong people. Innocent people who have no control over their situation. Not that I’m encouraging them to attack wall street workers or bankers. Yet this was a concern at the G20 summit in London where wall street workers were encouraged not to come into work that day due to protestors.

Until this economy goes for the better and jobs are regained I don’t think that we’ll see a change. If it doesn’t change then maybe small town middle America will become a place where you lock your doors at night and hold tight to your purses walking down the street, not just the big cities.

The Blame Game

2009-04-07T07:03:00.000-07:00

So I just watched my new favorite reality show Tough Love on VHI (Sundays at 10pm) and was particularly involved with the story line of the 39 year old single successful and beautiful woman. She had connected quite well with a man that the match maker set her up with. They’d been going on a few dates until he asked the dreaded question all women hate to hear “Why are you still single?”.

When you are young this question is just random conversation in the dating world. “You’re so pretty, you’re successful, I’m surprised some guy hasn’t snatched you up yet.” At 24, you laugh and smile. At 30, you sigh and say “I just haven’t met the right one” instead of what you really want to say “I’m surrounded by losers, the pickings is slim”. At close to 40 you probably, as this woman didn’t, don’t want to talk about it. It’s most likely an especially sore subject by then and one of much frustration. And the guy wouldn’t let it go, instead he says “why haven’t you done match, why havent’ you put yourself out there?” As if he knew how she handled herself or that she would automatically meet someone by doing an online dating site.

As we age, the longer we are single the more society views us as having something wrong with us. No matter what Sex and the City tried to do for the single 30 something (and although I’m not there yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was) the stigma still remains. As the matchmaker told her, it’s almost as if we prefer a woman in her thirties, especially a pretty one with a good personality, to be divorced over never being married. It gives us some sense of understanding of the situation otherwise how could such a woman be single for so long?

This woman dealt with it very calmly around him but when she came back to the shows mansion she kirked out and her fellow single gals had to calm her down. At 39 I’d imagine that having some guy give you the third degree trying to find out what’s wrong with you because you’re single is quite frustrating.
I particularly related to her story because I get that all the time and dispise that question with all my might. Guys don’t understand why I’m single and I feel like I have to defend myself when asked. To assure them that nothing is wrong with me because you usually get the next question is: when was your last long term relationship? If the relationship was long ago they make the determination (yes I’ve been asked) that I must not like being in long term relationships. Why else would I choose to be single? It’s not that I want to be single it’s that I don’t want to be in an unfullling relationship. Why date for the sake of dating? And who feels like, every time they date, going into the long spiel about how they just haven’t found the right one, the past guys were jerks, the area doesn’t have a lot of eligible men and so forth.

Dating becomes less about a fun time to hopefully lead to a relationship and becomes more of an intense interview for a competitive job. So yeah, she kirked out and I get it!

VH1 TV Shows Music Videos Celebrity Photos News & Gossip

Music on My Mind This Month

2009-04-02T18:28:00.000-07:00

Some of these songs are new, some aren't but I just go with whatever catches my spirit at the moment.

Therapy- India Arie- I just love her and this song makes me happy!

Brandy- Right here (Departed) Although it’s a bit old (came out in 2008), I was reintroduced to it and it's another hopeful song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeoVHUQuzR0

Knock Me Down- Keri Hilson, with NeYo and Kanye, what a great collaboration. And Ms. Hilson is making me want to chop my hair off again ( but maybe I'lll just get a short weave).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FF5Q1jr28PM

Ayo- Life is Real- Another old one (but I really feel for neo sould sometimes it takes a minute for some to get on the bandwagon because its hard to find)- and I love songs set in Africa

Mos Def- Life in Marvelous Times- heard this song in commercials for this weeks episode of House which my boy Mos Def guest stared in so had to hear the whole song. (side note, why do I understand him better when he raps then when he actually speaks?)

Kid Cudi- Day and Night- this is such a simple sounding rap which I like. I prefer to hear the words. I actually like the dance remix as well so I have both here. You'll found that the "black" radio versions play the regular one and the "white" radio stations seem to only play the dance remix version (much like is done with Kanye's Heartbreaker, dunno why). I likes both.

original

remix

Kevin Rudolf- Welcome to the World- a good jogging song

Random Things

2009-03-26T14:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been M.I.A. I've been getting back into my fictional writing trying to get it published worthy.

Get me for my paper

If the US Post Office stops delivering mail on Saturdays they could save 3 billion dollars a year. I’m all for saving money especially on that scale. I don’t think I’d be too broken hearted if I had to wait till Monday. Now if we could get them to stop delivering junk mail and unsolicited mail that would be wonderful- wonder how much money that would save.

The Popos put you on blast

In some state (forgot where) prostitution is a big problem so the police are considering sending letters home to the wives of men who are caught with a prostitution. Now obviously this is controversial. Some men feel that is an invasion of privacy but women would want to know if for nothing else, health concerns. Here’s how I see it. Should a man be hiding from his wife that he is going to court on a solicitation of prostitution charge? How can you hide that from your wife anyway? And you’re a jerk if you try to hide it. Now some men feel this is a whole guilty until proven innocent (I mean they could have simply been giving a poor prostitute a ride home and nothing more). Well fine, explain that to the wife and leave it to her to believe you or not. I’m sorry, but I’d like to know if my husband has been arrested. I’m not for keeping secrets in a marriage especially ones of those caliber. And seeing that technically adultery is still illegal (although no one brings it to court anymore) that’s not necessarily the husbands right to keep it quiet. If he was arrested for murder or some other heinous crime that wouldn’t be kept quiet so why should this? I’m just saying…

Too Bootilious for you baby

So a friend stated that bigger (and in his mind big is size 6/8 and up) black women could not attract really good looking white men because they (white men) don’t like that size. Now seeing as most black women are that size and up he basically states that most white men who are attractive wouldn’t like black women. I told him he was wrong and gave examples, he didn’t believe me and wanted to challenge me saying that those men only wanted to sleep with black women but weren’t interested in seriously dating them or marrying them. I stopped arguing, feeling the whole thing was not only offensive but futile and labeled him an ass.S ince I had given up being annoyed at people for lent lets just say I fell off the wagon. Some people deserve to be beat in the head severely with a verbal assult.

Tough Love: Girl does not meet boy

2009-03-16T17:44:00.000-07:00

I was watching this show with a guy friend of mine and this beautiful woman in her mid thirties stated that she had never been in a serious relationship and he did not get how that could happen. I told him it was a lot easier than he thought. I know a good amount of women in their thirties who haven’t dated in almost a decade. Now I’ve been single for an ion but I can at least say I have had the fortune (or some times misfortune) to consistently date but I get how a woman, even one that looks like Halle Berry with a Michele Obama intelligence and a Oprah personality, can be single for a long long time. So I ask you:

Where the men at?

If you are in a situation where you don’t work, live or worship around eligible men, you’re kind of in a rut. Outside of school, we rarely are in situations on a consistent basis where we are around eligible bachelors. You are kind of limited on possibilities except for rare fluke encounters at the store or gym.

So, I gotta ask, where does a single gal go? The idea of doing something just to meet a man doesn’t sit well with me but I understand that you have to put yourself in places to be seen as well. Which leads me to my new favorite reality show: Tough love. Which is basically a dating boot camp headed by this male match maker. Eight beautiful women, ranging from 21 to 38 are given dating overhauls to try to find what they are doing wrong. Maybe it's not that men aren't out there, maybe they are putting off a vibe that runs the good ones away. For some it's obvious: there's the cold one, the one who constantly talks about marriage, the one who wants to be save a dude, the partier, the gold digger. But there were some women I could relate to, particularly the woman who had a fairy tale idea of what she wanted and the woman who put up a cold facade. Nothing like seeing a characteristic you can relate to on another person to make you take a second look at yourself.

The show is by the creators of He's Just Not That Into You and I think I'll follow it to see if it's actually possible that I might learn something too. Though I'm not ruling out the idea that Baltimore is limited in eligible singles, I know that I can't change my surroundings so maybe by reevaluating what I can change (myself) maybe I might start attracting the the type of men I really want to date. We'll see.

I don't have to do anything but stay black and die

2009-03-10T17:15:00.000-07:00

And if you've seen Lean on Me you remember that quote from Joe Clark (aka Morgan Freeman) when he was arrested.

This saying came recently to my head when my sister expressed the problem of being invited to a friend's baby shower although she didn't want to go. This friend wasn't someone she was particularly close to, hadn't hung out with them for a while and she was tight on cash.

I too had been invited to this baby shower and had not hung out with this "friend" or even talked to this person in about two years. So what was my answer when she approached me with this problem? See the title.

Life is too short to do things you don't want to do, unless of course there is a greater good or goal to be reached.

This wasn't that situation so I told her don't do it.

I'm know I'm not an old lady whose lived her life and can pretty much tell people to "sit and spin" with wild abandon but as I get older I think I earn a little right along the way to say "hell to the no" to a few things that come my way. And going to certain social functions so someone I'm not that close to won't be mad at me is one of them.

There are a lot of people I don't owe crap too and some of these people I choose to give to anyway, perhaps because they need it. Giving to others is supposed to make you feel good. If it doesn't then don't do it or think carefully before you do.

If you keep giving of your time, money and energy to ungrateful, rude, selfish people you'll only end up full of resentment and anger. Why go there?

I used to go to birthday parties of people who never came to mine. So in essence I was spending all this money on birthday gifts and never got it cosmically returned (although that's not what giving is all about) but still I felt bad. I went to their parties to be nice but they didn't go to mine. They didn't care about my feelings- they were probably feeling the title here. So I decided to save my money and do the same.

Is that mean?

I think life is too short to go broke caring.

CC's Favorite Things

2009-02-28T05:36:00.000-08:00

I'm no Oprah and I sure as heck am not giving anything away but I’ll put my two cents in anyway and if you have some favorite things you've encountered spread the word!

Open toed booties- I'm obsessed. It's such a rocker-sexy look. I got a cute pair and really want it to get warmer so I can sport them in comfort!

Curly Hair products – Kinky Curly, Miss Jessies, Mixed Chicks. My hair is curly and these products do it right. I'm trying to grow my curls and need loads of moisturizer for unrelaxed hair. I was put on notice about these products via magazines and celebrity endorsements. My formula I just found is Mixed Chick leave in conditioner (although any good leave in conditioner treatment for thick hair would probably work nicely), Kinky Curly custard, and to keep the curl fresh the next day, Miss Jessies Curly Buttercreme.

Rimmel L ycra Wear 10+ mineral nail polish- cheap nail polish (like $1.99) and it really does last 10 days with no touch ups! I put it on my toes and it didn't need a base or top coat! If you can't get to the salon or want to save money this is a good option.

Murad Acne Spot Treatment - helps dry up a pimple in no time flat! I believe it's the drying sulphur ingredient. You can find it at Sephora.

Mineral Make up- helps give a more perfect coverage and last a long time without going bad due to the types of ingredients used. I've bought one mineral foundation over a year ago and am still using it. Now you can find mineral makeup in almost every cosmetic line. I like Bare essentials on the higher end and maybeline on the lower end.

MAC/ Loreal Hip Eyeshadow- on brown skin, high pigment eyeshadow looks lovely and these brands are the best.

Hulu- I catch up on shows I missed or forgot to DVR here. Takes a little longer before they upload it to the site but it's still a good resource.

Netflix/Blockbusters- I've got no premium movie channels so getting a new dvd per week (for only 9 bucks a month, more dvds a week cost more) is a great deal in lieu of HBO etc. especially when renting one movie is like 4 bucks from the video store and if you're lazy you don't have to go to a redbox (although they too are awesome at only a dollar or two a movie)

Leather jackets- The short motorcycle inspired ones are always so cool looking. I don't eat red meat but I'll wear the heck out of cow (I mean waste not want not right?)

Nine west jeans- the only jeans so far that I have found that fit my hour glass figure well.

Pencil straight skirts and dresses- they just look so sexy with heels

Half ebay- get it (whatever your "it" is) for cheap

Imdb- for a movie/tv fan this is your mecca!

Wikiped ia- for a lazy researcher this is a great go to guide, sometimes I read the plot about a book or movie I'm on the fence about getting

100 calorie molten cakes- so yummy yet so not high in calories

Vietna mes food at Baltimore pho- this place was so good and the dessert was delish, if you live in Bmore come there

The pizza at Greek Village Carry Out- sometimes local spots are so good, if you live in Baltimore County, check it out, it's in the Milford Mill area.

Low top Chuck Taylor tennis- I just think they are and always will be a cool look

New York boutiques near Soho/Canal Street- get some cute stuff for low prices! I have yet to find boutiques in Baltimore that sell at discount prices (like Forever 21) that aren't cheap looking. It's either high end or cheap- no in between.

Ruffles (tops and dresses)- just cute and sexy paired with the pencil skirt look

Skinny (stretch) jeans that tuck in boots- best thing to ever come in style. So comfortable, like wearing structured tights so they are forgiving.

Snow balls with marshmallow topping- Maybe it's a Baltimore thing (haven't found snowballs in other towns) but it is so good- come on summer!

Flax seed- not only good for the heart and hair but helps get your tummy down

Tops from Mango- they are just such great "date night" tops, so cute! I was first put on to them a decade ago when I studied abroad in Barcelona and a few years back was excited to find they had expanded to the States. The closest one to me is in the Northern VA malls so I really need for them to add one in Maryland!

Tom Tom- When I'm lost lost, tom tom helps me!

White or “nude” color eyeliner at the bottom eyelid- they have made my eyes pop which helps when you plan to dance the night away and want to avoid that blood shot eye been ran over look one can get by the end of the night

African Pride highlights kit- the hair actually becomes the color the box shows that it will. no guessing games here!

So any favorites that you have?

Giving up Annoyance for Lent

2009-02-25T07:30:00.000-08:00

So I attended a training yesterday and although I’m not quite sure if it was truly helpful in reaching the goal it was meant to achieve, I did take one thing from it. The speaker talked about how we all have favorite colors or foods or movies or places. He challenged us into wondering what favorite emotion we have. And by that he meant, what emotion do we tend to fall into (subconsciously really) the most. He admitted that in the past his favorite emotion was anger. He didn’t realize it until someone pointed out to him that he was always angry and wondered what he would choose to be angry about that day. That made him stop and think and try to change the way he did things.

This got me to wondering- what emotion do I tend to find myself constantly in? Ideally we all want to fall into the emotion of happiness but for many of us that is a goal not a reality. There are few happy go lucky people out there.

I know that my “go to” emotion is annoyance. I am VERY easily annoyed by people, pets, TV shows, weather, work, food. You name it. Obviously this is not a very good state of existence. The reality is, if you have a “favorite” emotion, nine times out of ten you will feel it. Meaning, if it is your thing to be angry at stuff you will find yourself, well, angry at stuff. So for me, annoying things happen to me because I am easily annoyed. If I make the chose to look at those things differently, will they be annoying? Will I be encouraged to react differently? As a result will different outcomes occur?

This sounds a bit like “The Secret” but it really makes sense. Like does attract like.
You date losers because you put out the energy that losers are all you date (even if you say it angrily you are affirming it). If you are annoyed with your weight you will continue to be annoyed with it (ie, not lose weight). The idea is that if you look at yourself, life, others in a different manner they will begin to emulate the positive outlook you are now giving them.

I don’t know about the reality of this but I figure it can’t hurt. So, even though I am not Catholic, I am giving up annoyance for lent. Starting today and ending April 11th, I will try to view things in a more positive manner. I have already been tested twice today. One by a coworker who I find annoying in every conceivable way. She already did something that would annoy me today but I tried to catch myself and smile instead. I felt my blood pressure lowering. Then I had a meeting with my boss about my performance. I wanted an exceptional in a certain area and she gave me a fully successful. When I asked her why, her reasoning did not help me at all and I was all set to get annoyed when I stopped to think about what she was saying. In the government, directors only get so much money for awards and she was pretty limited so she couldn’t give exceptional in everything. She just didn’t have the funds but she said she thought I was doing a great job and thought the ratings she gave me showed I knew and did my job well, plus I would still get a monetary award for a fully sucessful. I chose to focus on that and again, feel a lot better than I did when I first saw the ratings. I am also going to take the time to really decipher what she was telling me so that I can look at improving as just an opportunity and not a message that I’ve been doing wrong. No one is perfect and we always need something to aspire to in order to keep us going and interested.

It’s a struggle but I think I’m going to give it a go.

Dating in the '09: A Valentine's Day Rant and Ramble

2009-02-12T09:19:00.000-08:00

So I was going to ignore the impending day and talk about other things like Presidents Day (for instance, although few know that Lincoln was indeed a racist who did not end slavery everywhere and certainly not because he was a humanitarian I still thank him for having Monday off and all the great sales), I decided to forgo it and acknowledge the day we all love to hate: Valentine's Day.

This year I do have dates but I still, as a single gal, reserve the right to express some cynical commentary on random things dealing with that day and dating period.

1) Why is it so hard to find a Valentine's Day card for someone you aren't related to, isn't your best friend or your significant other. If you're going out with someone you've only been dating for a few weeks you don't want to give them a card that says "you mean so much to me". Is it the holiday promoters intention to really say we aren't supposed to be giving cards to them in the first place?

2) I usually hate going out on VDay with someone I'm not sure I want to pursue romantically. I don't want to lead them in the wrong direction if in fact I'm not into them. Some people feel pressure to find Vday dates like they do New Years Eve dates. I don't. VDay is made to be spent with those you love. Be it your husband/wife, kids or girlfriends (don't think guys would hang like that, but maybe). If I don't love you or had time to establish a strong like- lets hang out February 15th.

3) If someone ask you out for VDay and they aren't someone you're dating/seeing, do you go Dutch? Or because they invited you do they pay? Do you give a gift or card? It seem presumptous to go empty handed.

4)In dating, at what number should the woman offer to contribute? At what number date should she offer to pay the whole thing? I watched Oprah once and this dating guru said, unquestioningly, the man pays for the first two dates. I usually make the offer to help pay by the second date (with the thought that he asked me out so he should pay, otherwise I would have been saving my money buying me a five dollar foot long ast Subways rather than a 20 dollar dinner at random restuarant). By the third date I offer to pay the whole thing. Secretly though, if a guy prefers I NOT pay he gets bonus points (call it liking to be treated to things). I've been out with guys who've asked me to pay the tip on the first date- they got negative points.

5) I just came from watching He's Just Not That Into You which I really liked but still see as a romantic fairy tale. They made a good point in the begining. We're taught as little girls that a guy a likes you if he's mean to you (ie. pulls your pig tale). That resonates with us through adult hood and a lot of us have a hard time getting the hint that if a guy does us wrong or disappers its not necessarily simply because he's intimidated in some manner but really that he's just not into us.

6) If opposites attract is it better not to date someone who is essentially a female or male version of yourself? If you're basically just alike will that lead to boredom?

7) Why is it that some events charge more for being single than a couple. For instance an event might be $20 per person and $15 per couple. How is that fair? It's as if they are penalizing you for being single!

8) Dating gurus say now it's wrong to ask a guy, as part of the first few questions, what they do for a living. I've always made a practice of not asking but them sometimes I forget to ask and I do think what someone does for a living is a big part of who they are. If they are an ER doc that's important to know because they won't have much free time.

9) If you don't have immediate chemistry with someone on the first date? Do you date them again to see if it will come? If so, how many more dates?

10) Why is it that when "friends" you haven't heard from in years get married they invite you to the wedding but when they have a birthday party, probably at some awesome club or destination you get no invite? Is it because at the wedding that will guarantee presents? If that is the goal then is it wrong not to invite people to functions who don't give gifts? I secretly believe that outside of close family and friends the couple really invites the rest to get gifts or a way to get reimbersement for the gifts they gave the attendees for their weddings.

Ahh, the commercialism of love is in the air! Happy Valentine's Day

OOOOKAAAY

2009-02-09T08:56:00.001-08:00

Just have to comment on some random things in the media thats got a girl scratching her curly little head.

Little Kim on Dancing with the Stars? I'm a bit veklimpted here (since this is really a made up word from Mike Myers skit in SNL I'll spell it how I like, thanks!). One can only assume she is trying to reinvent her image here for a classier one. And as we grow older I can't blame her for wanting to be more sophisticated. Especially coming from suck a less than classy rapping past. However, if she plans to resurrect her rapping career will it be in a differnt light? Because after doing this show, the hardcore Kim isn't really going to be there. I'm intrigued. I'm also wishing she hadn't gotten so much plastic surgery. Not sure I want to see her every week looking so on-the-road-to-Micheal-Jackson-like.

Chris Brown arrested? Just when you think you can count on some Black Stars to keep their nose clean this goes and happens. Thats like Nick Cannon or Will Smith getting arrested. I'm curious what really happened. It was a battery charge against an unnamed female who some assume was Rihanna although her camp says she is well (but well as can be expected or well as in nothing happened to her?). I have a hard time imaginging Chris Brown beating on anyone let alone a woman but I don't know him so we'll have to see.

Micheal Phelps and smoking the mary jane. Okay, so I am neutral on this. Obviously doing drugs is a bad thing. But he's not doing anything out of the norm. He's a 23 year old man/boy with a load of althletic pressure on him. It's not surprising that he engaged in some rec drug use. And I'm not mad that some of his sponsors pulled the plug on him. He is a role model whether he asked for it or not. And when he does wrong, he certainly shouldn't get paid for it but parents surely shouldn't be telling their kids to be like him anyway. Outside of swiming like a fish that's all he ever showed he was ready for. Focus on his athletic performance not his life style. That's the parents role.

The lady with 14 kids who will be raising them alone? She is like the old woman who lived in a shoe (although she's only in her early thirties). This seems like a nightmare to me. I mean one child would cut me back on my clothes shopping but 14 would have me wearing potato sacks! But in all seriousness, this opens up yet another legal-moral-medical query. I've always been iffy on invetro when there are so many kids who need adoption although I understand the need to want to have a biological child. However, when someone already has 6 kids and they are a single parent, someone needs to step in and say something. This opens up a whole new side of a woman's right to choose. To choose to keep having kids beyond what she can really handle. Does the gov't have the right to step in and say you can't have anymore b/c you have too many or b/c you are unfit, b/c you are disabled, and so forth?

Music on My Mind This Month

2009-02-05T16:38:00.000-08:00

I have neglected this but have been inspired again.
Here are some random songs I've been feeling.

Duffy- Stepping Stone. Originally I heard it in the promos for Damages, a series I watch, and ended up liking the song so much. Yet another soulful British inport!

I've been a Keri Hilson fan but seems this song is the one that's finally got her noticed- Turnin me Off-

However- I really like this one-Energy

Never been a tremendous T Pain fan but his song Freeze with Chris Brown is really catchy to me

Will.i.am kicks out some catch Obama themed songs- I like this one - It's a New Day-

Just heard this song and really liked it, heard it was grammy nominated, Anthony David feat. India Aire- Words

As an aside, I've been out of touch with neo- soul/ alternative rap so if anyone has a good suggestions I'm all ears!

That basdard ground hog saw his shadow

2009-02-02T05:12:00.000-08:00

Just as I was complaining all weekend long (except for Sunday) about how redunculously cold it is my sad hope that Punxstawney Phil would not see his shadow was dashed. On this cold February 2nd that fat little turd saw his shadow and now we have 6 more weeks of winter (if you believe that sort of thing).

All I know is that it is so cold I don't want to leave my house. I wish I could work from home every day. I would not miss interaction with my coworkers- it's too cold. One of my friends is not even sure she wants to celebrate her birthday this month b/c she doesn't want to go out in the cold. I suggested a conference call party.

I don't even feel like exercising or doing anything. I just want to eat and be under the covers watching TV.
My skin is dry from head to toe and I practically have to dip myself in a vat of grease to keep moisturized.
Even my cat is cold. She's been sleeping either near the radiator or near me.

Damn you winter! Damn you to hell!

Gimme My Money- The Passing of the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act

2009-01-29T16:50:00.000-08:00

As a practitioner of employment discrimination law this act, signed today by President Obama, is a huge thing so I had to blog about it.

In the simplest of terms, the Lilly Ledbetter Act (aka Fair Pay Act) is like an amendment of the Equal Pay Act which stated that one gender, particularly women, cannot be paid less for the same job as the other gender. The Fair Pay Act turns over the Supreme Court case of Ledbetter v. Goodyear Tire and Rubber which stated that the time limit for pursuing a claim of pay discrimination begins on the date the allegedly discriminatory pay decision is made (time of hiring) and does not begin anew with each paycheck. Ms. Ledbetter had been working with Goodyear for 19 years before she received an anonymous letter explaining that she was making less than her male counterparts. Therefore, it was too late to bring a lawsuit, with there only being time limitation of 180 days from time of the pay decision to make a complaint.

In reality, who knows within 6 months of a new job what other coworkers are making? If we knew, there would be a lot more lawsuits/complaints. The Act changes the 180 day limitation from each new discriminatory pay check not from the first. It also covers race as well as sex.

I was listening to Barbra Miculski on the radio this morning discussing this act (she was one of the drafters of the act) and I am really hopeful that Acts like these will really start bridging the gap in pay. Miculski stated that black women make 67 cents to every white male dollar for the same job, black men make 72 cents, white women make 77 cents. With statistics like these one can only imagine that with the passing of this bill, lawsuits will be increasing.

And with that threat of lawsuit, employers will be very careful of how they make pay decisions and probably reevaluate some of the decisons they have already made (I smell raises for some people). If you're paying Billy 60,000 dollars to to practice law as a starting salary, you better give the same pay to Jessica or be able to document why.
Hurray for change!

Confessions of a not so Skinny girl

2009-01-26T15:44:00.000-08:00

I’ve never been a skinny girl. Never been fat or chubby either but I’m curvy enough to wonder what it would be like if I was a skinny girl.

As I’ve gotten older I have found that more and more of the friends I hang around (of all races) are thinner than the girls I hung out with when I was younger. And thinner than me. In high school I was either a smaller sized girl or pretty average to most of the other girls. When I got in college I noticed the girls, again of all races, were much, much thinner than I could have imagined.

My size 8 was looked at as a full figure. Which is easy to do when ones roomate was actually somewhere between a size 0 and size 2 on a bad day. Other girls swam around size 4s and 6s. On a good day, I am a size 6. A really good day. In college it was easier to stay thinner when you had thin girls all around you and the food at the college was pretty healthy and tasty.

Enter law school. A nightmare of three years and a time where, somehow, my usual thirty minutes of working out three times a week didn’t do crap for me. By the time I graduated the horrendus affair I was a size 10. I didn’t even see it happening.

And that’s where I stayed until I started hanging around skinny girls again and then we had the audacity to plan a trip to Rio de Janiero Brazil . Home of the string bikini and many a Victoria ’s Secret model. This girl started working out and cutting out bad food like no tomorrow. I got back to a good size 7/8 and on a good day, a really good day, a size 6. And am still there.

But still among the thinner of my friends, by comparison I still look like the full figured gal. Again, when you have friends who wear size 2s and 4s, there is no competing. And I don’t plan to. They don’t look bad that skinny. Their bone structure allows for it. I on the other hand would be pushing the limit of what is attractive if I sunk below a size 6. Skeletor comes to mind. I am big boned. It is what it is.

But I must say, sometimes going out with the skinny girl is a blow to the ego of a fuller girl because the skinny girl always gets the looks, at least first. Thin is in, if it wasn't why do we continue to aspire to be thin? Not simply just fit. A skinny girl with an okay face seems to have an easier time than a plus sized gal with a really cute face. I’ve seen it plenty of times.

I’m not saying that the fuller or even average girl gets no love however, if she’s out with the skinny girl (and by skinny I’m not lumping in here dangerously sickly frail people, I’m talking hollywood thin) my observations have shown time and time again that the skinny girl will usually get the attention first. Oh, and if she’s blond AND skinny well she’s got it made. Polls still show that a thin blond blue eyed woman is the most attractive to the majority of men (we can talk racial preferences another time).

And although most guys I encounter say they like a little “cushion”, just how much cushion are they talking about?

Beyonce or Queen Latifah? Because, in reality, not many of us are even Beyonce’s size. Heck Beyonce is hardly her size. I thought she had a cute figure before she stepped out on her own. Yet she lost weight anyway. And even Rihanna, who was thin already, lost a lot of weight which aided in her cross over appeal for her later albums (well, that and a fly hair cut). And there are countless others who have lost “unnecessary weight” in order to be more appealing.

The word “average size” has a new definition as the years go by because our society is getting larger. So while in my mind average means not too skinny and not chubby. The average woman in America is size 14. By that notion, I am not averaged size. But I’m hardly thin.

Yet size is a social and cultural construct. In one country my size 7 might be a size 12. And among certain communities I am considered skinny (my coworkers roll their eyes and have literaly thrown things at me when I say I need to lose weight) but among my skinner friends I am average sized and a 14 is overweight/above avearage.

My reality has shown that a skinny girl gets a better reaction superficially than larger or even average sized girls. However, sometimes I wonder whether women lose weight for each other, themselves or men. Is there a size men prefer as opposed to a size women wish they were? For example, would men want us all to have a J Lo body but are women actually aspiring to an Angelina Jolie body?

Sigh, sometimes I think the media is the worst thing ever invented. Did women in the 1700s have this issue?

Polimercialism?

2009-01-22T14:44:00.000-08:00

Did I make this term up? If so, no copying, I’m TM ing it.

Obama bracelets

Obama dolls.

Obama Tshirts

Obama earrings

Obama watches

Heck even Malia and Sasha now have Beanie Babies made after them (and I must say their cute).

I wouldn’t be surprised if we see Michele be the next face of Carol’s Daughter.

But with all this commercialism for a political figure and family are we getting too involved in the hype?

Are we making the man a legend before he can sign a piece of legislation.

Although at the time of this writing he did sign to close down Guantanamo bay (I’m a yea for that).

I worry.

Obama is but a man but if we get caught up in the idea that he is going to make water into wine everyone’s going to get hurt.

Obama’s win meant hope on many levels. And I’m sure all those watching were hopeful that our economy would get better, that our world relations would improve and that our own personal goals would no longer be blocked by racism.

I must say that Obama being inaugurated made me fully feel like I was in the “future”.

I always thought the 21^st century would be more futuristic. Flying cars and robot helpers (yes blame the Jetsons) and while that stuff is in development even ipods, blue tooth and touch screens wasn’t enough for me.

Nope, a black president meant the future to me. Meant we are finally getting somewhere.

Racism is not dead.

Our economy is far from healed and other countries still raise a suspicious brow towards us but I can’t help but feel that the door is open now for us to get things right.

The key word being “us”.

I’m just hoping that all the tears people had on inauguration day, all the obama dolls and posters won’t cloud the truth that one man can’t do it alone.

And for all the bad that Obama has inherited from the previous administration, one historian had it right, that the presidents most remembered are the ones who did well in crisis.

Think Abe Lincoln and the Civil War. Roosevelt and the Great Depression. JFK and LBJ and the civil rights movement. Heck, even George Washington and the war for independence.

One day, one can only hope, Obama will be remembered more for what a great presidency he had during a tough time than just the fact that he was the first black president.

The Lonely Single

2009-01-14T06:18:00.000-08:00

So, still seeing guy I briefly mentioned a couple post back. I only see him about once a week (one time twice) because he lives an hour away. Although he’s in another state, not sure an hour travel really qualifies as a long distance relationship which I tend to not like, but I’ve been told if they are in another state then that makes it long distance.

Anywho, because of the time constraint, I only see him on weekends. I realize that weekends are prime times to hang with friends so I imagine this might cut into his guy time. He said he told his friends the deal so he’s cool. Plus my thought is, he has the other weekend night to hang with them (as do I with my friends). Further, one weekend together out of a month won’t kill anyone either. We both discussed in our earlier dates the importance of time apart. I’m a firm believer in that. I enjoy hanging with my girls and family and I see the importance in having separate activities.

However, I don’t think that’s true of many women. At least not too many I know. See, for most of my friends (not all) when they “get a man” they become ghost. Naturally, when one enters a relationship or consistent dating scenario with someone their friends see less of them. That's fine and understandable. However, I find for women, we just about lose a friend altogether. As the usual single one, I’ve seen friends come and go and have had to make all new friends because of that. The closer the friend gets to the man the less I see them until the day they get married when they become a distant memory. I understand seeing them less but not at all, not so much as a phone chit chat? As if by saying “I do” they also mean “I do vow to never see my single friends again”. As if they no longer have anything in common with us. What could they possibly do with single people? They don’t go to the clubs anymore. But therein lies the problem. I’m pushing 30 (scary! But still have almost a year left to get a grip), I rarely go to clubs anymore. But dragging my attached friends to shopping, movies, travel, happy hours or dinners is becoming a feat in itself. And it shouldn't be!

I mean, who do attached women talk to about girl issues or love problems? Other attached women or no one? Maybe force the conversation onto their significant other? Do they believe that they can no longer relate to or communicate with their single friends?

For some of my attached friends I find they come out of hiding once in a blue moon and announce that we need to get together and go out. It may be my psychosis, but sometimes it feels as if they are saying it more as if they are doing me a favor rather than simply wanting to reconnect. I also find that it is hard to talk about my life to my attached friends unless it’s about a boy, and even then the interest is not that great as compared to when I talk to my single friends.
Is the life of a single person less interesting?

For me, it got to the point where I just enabled the distance by no longer inviting my attached friends places and not talking about my personal life unless they asked. I never understood this. When I am dating someone I never stopped hanging with my friends. Obviously I went out less but not so little I was missed. Plus I enjoy talking to my friends. My only other thought is that as you get attached, you start weeding out “non essential friends”. So perhaps my alleged friends are keeping contact with other people, just not the ones who weren’t as close because they don’t have time to keep in contact with everyone anymore. But then how many friends am I non essential to? Perhaps I just didn’t have enough good friends. I can count on one hand with a couple of fingers left over of how many friends in relationships now I still see. Perhaps those are my only good friends.

I wonder though, does this happen to guys? Do attached guys give up their single friends? Do they wait until marriage to do so? Or do they never?

I always wanted a Sex in the City/Golden Girls tight knit group of gal pals but I’m starting to realize that maybe that kind of female camaraderie just doesn’t exist in the real world. Maybe romance novels aren’t the only thing of make believe.

Interracial Dating and Black women and White men: Drama or No Big Thing?

2009-01-05T07:26:00.000-08:00

Posted about this before but have more to say.

It's 2009 and we are seeing more and more interracial couples. Heck, a good number of my family and friends are in interracial couplings (black female/white male mix). I've never cared about such things (I fancy myself and Equal Opportunity Dater). Although there are way more black men/ white women couplings, I am beginning to have a sneaking suspicion that this will change. I am seeing more and more black women with white men.

Why? As I stated in my previous post, I do believe that money and education differences between black women and men play a large factor. However, despite the stereotypes, I find many educated black women are willing to date black men not on their pay or education scale. I have most of my life, with no problems as long as there wasn't a drastic difference. However, even that willingness doesn't help the fact that there are still so few eligible black men who also want to get married.

So then what?A lot of black women are starting to explore "something new". And for most it seems to be working. But what about society's view? My thought would be that black men would not care if more black women started dating white men because so many black men date white women? All's fair right?

Not so, I still am surprised by the amount of disapproving looks, comments and behaviors I get from black men for dating a white guy (I haven't noticed anything, yet, from other groups). I can't lump people all together. I know that those disapprovers aren't necessarily dating white women themselves but still, they know the deal. For every black woman/white male couple there are at least 5 black man/white woman couples.

And with the percentage of unwed black women being around 40% (dramatically higher than all other racial groups) can you blame a woman for saying, "the hell with this, let me see what else is out there"?. Black women, largely raise kids out of wedlock, in fact, I venture to say it's the norm (I believe well over 60% of black children are raised in single parent homes, not the same for other races). No one aspires to be a single mother and just because black women have dealt with it and found the strength to do so, doesn't mean that should be our lot in life.

We've come to accept seeing black men with white women but is this so for the other way around. Is the black woman/ white man still a rare line that few are willing to cross? There is history there after all. Black women being seen and used as sexual objects during slavery, it is still a present wonder. I have a friend who when she dates a white guy always wonders in the beginning if he is dating her for her or for the "experience of dating a black woman". Then there is the shared historic experience of being black (culturally, and socially) that a white man wouldn't know automatically (a small inconvenience that he wouldn't understand why I wrap my hair at night with a silk scarf but still something to note). And then family. I just watched This Christmas in which one of the sons secretly married a white woman and was afraid to tell his family. Sometimes I wonder if nowadays black people have an ever harder time bringing a white person home to their families than white people. Especially black men who know mama might be, let's say, taken a back. And I'm sure that isn't who Dad had thought he'd be walking you down the aile to when you got married.

I don't know, as much as I would like to, I'm not ready to believe that interracial dating is a union to go lightly into. I always bring up race and have frank discussions about it when I'm dating a man outside of my race. I'm a firm believer in the couple discussing race with no hold backs instead of ignoring it. Being color blind makes us blind to the real issues. I want the other to know our differences and decide on whether we can accept them even if others can't.

2008: The Randomness in Review

2008-12-29T04:29:00.000-08:00

Sorry I've been quiet for a bit- had a serious case of blogger's block but couldn't close out the year without running my mouth.
I just wanted to throw out some thoughts of pure randomness that I came to realize or just thought about from this past year.

As I hold tight to the last of my twenties, I realize that aging is scary but also quite fasinating. What will each new stage bring and not in a negative way? How will my views and position in this world change? Will I finally be the person I wanted to be? And what will it be like to see Beyonce at a come back tour at the age of 60 (you know like when older folks go see Bette Mitler or Tina Turner in concert). Is it mean that I can't wait for her to age and become the old diva she's trying to be?

That going green is so important and so expensive! I'm a recycler to the max (okay, I have a cabinet full of plastic bags and paper I need to turn in to the recycling center but the aim is to recycle all the same). I'd love to do more, buy green products and clothing but, it's a recession and green cleaning products are more expensive than the regular ones! We should get discounts for going green, special tax incentives or something!

That new years resolutions suck but everyone likes to feel renewed. And on that note I plan to give up pork and do some form of fulfilling volunteer work on a regular basis.

That truly: The opposite of love is not hate but rather indifference. I heard this somewhere but didn't truly get it until recently. How many people have I passionately disliked but still really cared about or missed or allowed myself to be hurt by? Then I think about the people I also didn't like but just had no feeling for them at all. I mean I didn't care what went on in their lives. Sadly, I think most of the world is very indifferent to one another (how else could we turn our backs to such suffering).

That marriage can be just as scary as Lifetime TV makes it sound. I mean, a man goes to his ex wife's Christmas party and shoots a freakin flame thrower at people, including a child, because, or so it appears, his divorce was finalized. And let's not forget the man who drowned his children while in a custody battle with his ex wife. And it goes on. I'm not saying you have to go into marriage with a ring on one hand and a gun in the other but lately it seems as if people aren't afraid to cross those lines (or rather TV is enabling us to hear more about it).

Which leads me to wonder about people. Like Linus from the Peanut Gallery, I believed that people in general were basicall good and it was just certain persons that were bad. But that bad really spoils us all because for every good act we hear about it get's overshadowed by some other horrific act that remains with us while the good acts do not. And with our world in recession, history shows that crime rises but still I hope for change in the new year.

And what better start than with an African American (well in part) president! He is not the second coming, please do not hold all faith in a man and idolize him but what a powerful symbol for change/hope. My hope is that the new year allows us to look at possibilities differently. For all its faults, we are in a country that allows us to be, think and achieve our dreams if only we try.

Noisy Neighbor Nuisance!

2008-12-17T05:48:00.000-08:00

My neighbor is testing my small amount of patience. She has a different person living in her house everytime I look. And by person, I mean dude. Now I don’t judge but the best way to keep your life to yourself is to be quiet about it and that chick doesn’t. I’m already tramatized enough when I awoke to her having "relations" one night (and I heard it all, had I had a gun that night it would have been an ugly scene).

Then her and random dude wanna try again last night. These walls are paper thin, they have to know that, so how disrespectful of them. I’ve already gone up to complain before so they (I say they because every time I’ve knocked on her door a different guy answers instead of her, it got to the point I doubted she even lived there anymore and that maybe some guys took over the one bedroom) know they need to be a little more thoughtful with the noise control but I wasn’t in any mood to leave my aparment in the middle of the night to complain again and doubt they would be please with me “interrupting them”. So in my best passive aggressive way I politely began to hammer my walls like a crack head in the middle of the night.

Low and behold that got their attention but I dared them to come to my apartment with a complaint. I had my speech all ready in my head. It would begin with me not realizing they could hear me hammering my christmas decorations to the wall above the noise they were making. I would be nice and tell them that perhaps we both need to be more considerate of each other to avoid this problem again.

I’m at the point where my sleep is getting deprived and I’m waking up with bags under my eyes. No longer is sleeping in my comfortable queen sized bed a wonderful expereince. Instead I dread going to sleep for fear of being awaken (as usually occurs for the past two months) to her getting it on, her dog running around, her and random dude yelling at each other or watching TV or playing music loudly.

My patience is wearing thin. The noise usually occurs in the middle of the night so I hate to leave my apartment then. I usually seek revenge by being as loud as possible in the morning (but not sure if sound travels up as she lives above me). I’ve been quiet lately as I have devised a plan. I will complain once more to her during day light hours of noise the previous night. Should this not resolve I will complaint to my landlord who is buddy buddy with her so doubt it will do much good. Finally I will bring in the cops! Lastly, I will tell said landlord that I have found employment in another state and get out of my lease (which he said he would not penalize me for if such occurred) and move.

Grrr

I'm Not Afraid of Lions and Tigers and Bears

2008-12-11T06:58:00.000-08:00

Loving the new Jazmine Sullivan single and it kind of broke me out of my bloggers block to write this post.

So I’ve been on a couple of dates with this guy and things are going well. Very well and naturally this draws my suspicion. See being the dating connoisseur that I am (*she says with thick sarcasm laced in her voice*) I believe that it is important to learn from ones past mistakes or else be doomed to repeat them. However, while it is important not to walk into anything full of naivete you also don’t want to have your guard up so high it scares the other person off.

So take this example. A guy brings you flowers just because. You’re still newly dating. There is no holiday or birthday. A naive girl, who does not take note of past experience or other’s warnings, may think “Oh this guy is great. I never got flowers from a guy for no reason before. He must really like me and only mean well. Perhaps he’s the one!.” A pessimistic fully guarded girl might think. “What’s his angle? Does he think he can buy me some flowers and I’m supposed to fall over him into bed?” . Somewhere in the middle might be, “Oh, how nice, that was thoughtful of him. The end.”

I, the ever indecisive and admittedly slightly gullible at times Libra, have a hard time balancing this. I’ve been through so many negative dating experiences that I seem jaded. Obviously that is not a good thing and I am constantly on guard about it. I try my best, on the outside to go with the flow. Yet with friends and in my inner thoughts, I combat the pessimism. Therefore, when I go out on dates and things go well, I can’t help but be guarded and wait for the ball to drop.

Friends say enjoy it while it last but dating is like being on American Idol with me. You’re doing well, make it through a couple weeks and then you get voted off and all the fame/commercials/make up and hair go away as quickly as it came. Dating can be the same way. You meet someone, things are great and then something happens or they meet someone else and everything goes away. Any plans you thought you would have disappear. And like the American Idol contestants, they know that their shot could go in a blink of an eye without any reason and they are kicked back into obscurity. This of course slightly darkens their time on the show because there is always that constant nudge of worry that this week could be the last week.

I’ve come to view dating this way. Especially when things are going well. I know that this is not a great way to think because it will come out in the dating “relationship” in some negative way. For instance, you invite said interest somewhere and they say they can’t go. The “American Idol” thinker might think “oh he has another date with someone else/is really married/doesn’t really like me or want to keep seeing me, therefore I need to pull away and protect myself.”

Friends say “throw your baggage out the window, girl.” But I can’t help but say, “Can I at least keep my purse?”

Sigh.

Look a Likes

2008-12-02T08:13:00.000-08:00

I’ve been told most of my life that I look like someone. When I was little (and still) I looked like my mother.

When I was in college everyone thought I looked like Alexis Fields from Sister, Sister.

In my early twenties I looked like Sanaa Latham.

Most recently I’ve been getting a lot of “has anyone ever told you you look like Gabrielle Union?” (and I get that from all races and both genders). Now I don’t feel I look like her at all (not the same color and if I don’t wear my hair straight the similarities just don’t show). I don’t get it but I think she’s pretty so there is worse I could be compared to.

Seeing as none of these women look a like themselves I’m not quite sure what everyone is talking about or maybe I’m just a chameleon.

Anyway, I just always thought it was interesting. To a degree, everyone has someone or even a few people they look like that they aren’t related to. Heck my dad was said to look like Bill Cosby and my sister Keisha Knight Pullman (aka Rudy), I felt left out then. I wanted to be a Huxtable!

This look alike bit led me to wonder if we tend to date with that in mind. Have you ever found yourself dating a certain type visually? I got stuck on that in my younger days. The guys would be in my skin complexion category and clean shaven for the most. Then I started going for the earthy curly haired types. (Incidentally, Lenny Kravitz (post locks) and Maxwell were my celebrity crushes, kind of similar, right?) I got out of that by my early twenties. I tend to not like to date guys who look like guys I dated before. It seems like I’m regressing. It’s a superficial thing but it’s what’s comfortable.

I once went out with a guy I thought looked too much like my brother. I did not care for that and stopped seeing him. His feelings were hurt but I’m sorry I just could not. Nope.

Commerical Songs

2008-11-28T15:47:00.000-08:00

No I'm not talking about Top 40 songs but actual songs used in commericials.
I just finished watching the new Adidas Originals Commericaial and am so feelin the song. The group is called Pilooski and the song is an old 60's song (Four Seasons group)that they add a breakin beat to. I tried to find it on itunes, found the group but not this song. Grrr The whole video for the song is on youtube but I attached the commericial version to put it in context.

So that search led me to list a few other commericial songs I adore.

Yael Namin- New Soul

Ting Tings- Shut Up and Let Me Go

Cait Ladee- Take Me Home http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34f8CHTqbnA

Enur- Calabria 2008

Got any favorites?

I hate everyone

2008-11-25T09:44:00.001-08:00

No, I'm not pmsing. Sometimes I just get that way, when everything bugs me and I've got no escape from the annoying. I close one door on an annoying person just to turn around and have another one starring right at me.

This is the time of the year to be thankful but no working at a soup kitchen or listening to sad all I want for Christmas stories on the radio can change how I feel right now. I'm just in an extended funk and I'm beginning to wonder if I ever truly came out of it. For example was I simply just in remission from anger at some point?

I know that I need a vacation away from people when even the most non important things get on my nerves, when the usual bothers make me want to pick up a trash can and scream "Radio" (for all those who've seen Do the Right Thing, you know what I mean) and the really bothersome things make me want to tase and/or mace people. I've asked for mace for Christmas but I wonder if in my hands it will be used for good instead of evil.

Okay, so let me categorize the things that get on nerves.

Stupid but bothersome

The plot line on Heroes and Grey's Anatomy upsets me in ways I can't understand.

I just watched really good episodes of Smallville and Supernatural on the CW network and they won't have new episodes until mid January- they get the finger! Bammas!

My expensive Verizon "high speed" Internet isn't fast at ALL!

My landlord is about to catch a foot. When something breaks down don't tell me how to fix it, you come and fix it! If I have to break apart something to get it to work, it's out of my league. Do your job or give me my deposit back!

One of my coworkers keeps wanting to have conversations with me everyday and is bothersome to many. I don't really like her (nor do I trust her, why does she go through my cubicle sometimes when I'm not there, we don't work on any of the same projects and she isn't my back up) but I can't say that and it really is mean to think that way but...

Trash can moments

My job, my team lead got an agency award that should have been a team award because she is not a leader or a good source of guidance. I had to basically train myself and she goes to ME for answers! Meanwhile, I got no award, no real time off and haven't gone to any out of state trainings or get to rotate which my white counterpart got to do and she wasn't as good a worker as I was (yeah, I'm tooting my own horn). Don't let me file an EEO claim!

Thanksgiving dinner with family and their friends- don't wanna go. Some will surely annoy me and with me being in the titled mood, I'm going to have to hold tight to patience.

Another guy I'm seeing, seemed a bit disappointed that I was taking things slow (not the same as the taser guy below). Since when did third date automatically lead to sex? We don't even know each other's last names! No wonder MD has a high rate of STDs! AIDS is the number one killer of black women in my age group- kick rocks. Let's take our time, to quote Ms. Janet!

Upstairs neighbor was blasting hard rock and sounded like they were river dancing at 1130pm on a Sunday night. I stormed up there to politely complain. I expected it to be a woman who I thought lived above me but instead was scared half to death when what appeared to be a Marilyn Manson fan answered the door. He was polite enough but my tone was really pleasant as well. Note to self- don't knock on doors if you don't know who the hell lives there!

Tasing moments

A guy thought it was okay to try to grope me on the end of our date. I let him know I was not down with it and preferred to take things slow (see rationale above) which he didn't seem to respect too much (gave a half assed "I understand") but I said goodbye and left. (A week later he asked me out again...via text. My response- . ) Had I had a taser or some pepper spray the night would have gone differently (provided I had a gas mask so I didn't inhale the spray and was far enough from him to tase him without him grabbing me).

The immature dochebag who tried to grope me at the bar last weekend when I was two stepping with my friends and got on my nerves so bad I had to leave the dance floor or else stab him with my keys. What's with the disrespect? He proceeded to bother me again later on that night and I called him out on it. He walked away this time.

The ass who decided to park behind my building the other night and proceeded to loudly curse out someone on the phone for thirty minutes around 12am on a Wednesday night! If only I had a blow dart!

Okay enough complaining, I feel a little better already but things can surely change if that coworker I mentioned above keeps walking past my cubicle...

*Side note, is it sad that the title of this post comes from a children's book about an angry bee?

Did he Seriously Call Him a House Negro?

2008-11-19T16:46:00.000-08:00

Okay, yet another a negative reaction to Obama's win from Al-Quida. The article isn't that long but to highlight, the number two leader of Al-Quida (an Islamic terrorist group) is unimpressed with Obama's win. He quoted some phrases from Malcolm X's speech pertaining to house slaves and field slaves. He called Obama ,along with Condi Rice and Colin Powell, house negros. He stated that Obama's support of Isreal shows that he is an ememy of Muslims and called for American Muslims to not believe the Obama hype (well not in those words but you get the picture).

So okay, I have to pause and say I am a bit surprised that this terrorist dude (don't much feel like using his name) even knows about Malcom's statements regarding this and knew how to use it (although I don't necessarily agree). It always surprises me how far the history of America's race relations travels but then again if I knew about South Africa's strife then why not others know about us?

Still, I hope other more sane Muslim countries are willing to give Obama a try.

On the flip side, this comes out around the same time Isreal is backing out of the UN World talks on Racism because they believe the focus will be biased and mostly on the treatment of Palestineans (Muslims) in Isreal. Which is a shame because the focus should be more balanced so that every group feels comfortable to talk. This issue is too big world wide to have people not all come to the table. As an aside, for reasons I don't know for sure, the US (who is also considering backing out of the talks) has always appeared to have sided with the Jewish community in Isreal ( a forever long battle over land that I could not even begin to try to figure out the right ones and wrong ones). I haven't looked into why but I'm sure it does nothing to aid in our relationships with Muslim dominated countries.

Music On My Mind This Month

2008-11-18T16:31:00.000-08:00

Been a while but I got a couple of musical comments to make again.

First I must begin with Ms. Beyonce. Love your Single Ladies song (what a great work out tune) but your album- sorry BK just not feeling it- Sadness.

But on to what I do like:
A new group called The Script- Before the Worst - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON30LOTsRks (adult contemporary mixed with a tinge of soul)

Kevin Little (with unfortunately Lil Wayne)- Let it Rock - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMsWV8bgHbg

T.I. with Kanye, again that Lil Wayne, Jay Z and M.I.A.- Swagga (I'm a sucka for a rap compilation)-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ai-5r9I4V1s

Jack White and Alicia Keys- Another Way to Die (James Bond theme song)-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hM5UJvnbbuY
I'm always into the James Bond Songs (Diamonds are Forever- Shirely Bassy, Die Another Day- Madonna, Golden Eye-Tina Turner are some of my past favorite theme songs)

Obama wins and hate crimes rise: Who's surprised?

2008-11-17T06:04:00.000-08:00

For all the talk of Obama's win meaning race relations have changed there is hidden talk of what this new "change" means for those really not ready to let go of the America's racist past.
I had to post this Yahoo article in it's entirety but if you don't have time to read it I did high light some sections of interest. From talk of sucession to the increase in those joining hate groups Obama's win will keep the government on thier toes in more areas than they thought. My feelings: sadness. It's really time to move on and get this country past the idea that race defines everything. Oddly enough the article quotes that some southern whites feel that the nation their forefather's built has now been stolen from them. *Sighs* Now you know just a little of how it feels to be Native American in this country. Not to mention that the alleged forefather's didn't build anything on their own. This land is, afterall, "our land and made for you and me" as the song goes. Won't they have many strokes, should they still be alive, when in 2040 they find themselves part of the minority in this country. Change is good. But, you can't please everyone and I saw...screw 'em. Hey, they can always immigrate to Mexico...

After Obama's win, white backlash festers in US

By Patrik Jonsson Patrik Jonsson – Mon Nov 17, 3:00 am ET

Atlanta – In rural Georgia, a group of high-schoolers gets a visit from the Secret Service after posting "inappropriate" comments about President-elect Barack Obama on the Web. In Raleigh, N.C., four college students admit to spraying race-tinged graffiti in a pedestrian tunnel after the election. On Nov. 6, a cross burns on the lawn of a biracial couple in Apolacon Township, Pa.
The election of America's first black president has triggered more than 200 hate-related incidents, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center – a record in modern presidential elections. Moreover, the white nationalist movement, bemoaning an election that confirmed voters' comfort with a multiracial demography, expects Mr. Obama's election to be a potent recruiting tool – one that watchdog groups warn could give new impetus to a mostly defanged fringe element.
Most election-related threats have so far been little more than juvenile pranks. But the political marginalization of certain Southern whites, economic distress in rural areas, and a White House occupant who symbolizes a multiethnic United States could combine to produce a backlash against what some have heralded as the dawn of a postracial America. In some parts of the South, there's even talk of secession.
"Most of this movement is not violent, but there is a substantive underbelly that is violent and does try to make a bridge to people who feel disenfranchised," says Brian Levin of the Center for the Study of Hate and Extremism at California State University, San Bernardino. "The question is: Will this swirl become a tornado or just an ill wind? We're not there yet, but there's dust on the horizon, a swirling of wind, and the atmospherics are getting put together for [conflict]."
Though postelection racist incidents haven't posed any real danger to society or the president-elect, law enforcement is taking note.
"We're trying to be out there at the cutting edge of this and trying to stay ahead of groups that are emerging," says Special Agent Darrin Blackford, a spokesman for the Secret Service, which guards the US president.
"Anytime you start seeing [extremist propaganda] floating around, you have to be concerned," adds Lt. Gary Thornberry of the Oklahoma Highway Patrol, a member of the FBI's Joint Terrorism Task Force. "As far as it being an alarmist situation, I don't see that yet. From a law enforcement point of view, you have to be careful, because it's not illegal to have an ideology."
After sparking conflict and showdowns in the 1990s – think Ruby Ridge, Waco, the Oklahoma City bombing – white supremacist and nationalist groups began this century largely splintered and powerless. Though high immigration levels helped boost the number of hate groups from 602 in 2000 to 888 in 2007, key leaders of such groups had died, been imprisoned, or were otherwise marginalized.
But postelection, at least two white nationalist websites – Stormfront and the Council of Conservative Citizens – report their servers have crashed because of heavy traffic. The League of the South, a secessionist group, says Web hits jumped from 50,000 a month to 300,000 since Nov. 4, and its phones are ringing off the hook.
"The vitriol is flailing out shotgun-style," says Mr. Levin. "They recognize Obama as a tipping point, the perfect storm in the narrative of the hate world – the apocalypse that they've been moaning about has come true."
Supremacist propaganda is already on the upswing. In Oklahoma, fringe groups have distributed anti-Obama propaganda through newspapers and taped it to home mail boxes. Ugly incidents such as cross-burnings, assassination betting pools, and Obama effigies are also being reported from Maine to Alabama.
The Ku Klux Klan has been tied to recent news events, as well. Two Tennessee men implicated for plotting to kill 88 black men, including Obama, were tied to the KKK chapter whose leader was convicted in a civil trial in Brandenburg, Ky., last week, for inciting violence. The murder last week in Louisiana of a KKK initiate, allegedly killed after trying to back out of joining, came at the hands of a new group called Sons of Dixie, authorities say.
"We're not looking at a race war or anything close to it, but ... what we are seeing now is undeniably a fairly major backlash by some subset of the white population," says Mark Potok of the Southern Poverty Law Center's Intelligence Report in Montomgery, Ala. "Many whites feel that the country their forefathers built has been ... stolen from them, so there's in some places a real boiling rage, and that can only become worse as more people lose jobs."
In an election in which barely 20 percent of native Southern whites in Deep South states voted for Obama, the newly apparent political clout of "outsiders" and people of color has been unnerving to some.
"In states like Mississippi, Louisiana, and Alabama, there was extraordinary racial polarization in the vote," says Merle Black, a political scientist at Emory University in Atlanta. "Black Americans really do believe that Obama is going to represent their interests and views in ways that they haven't been before, and, in the Deep South, whites feel exactly the opposite."
But for nonviolent secessionist groups like the League of the South, the hope is for a more vigorous debate about the direction of the US and the South's role in it, says Michael Tuggle, a League blogger in North Carolina.
Mr. Tuggle says his group isn't looking for an 1860-style secession but, rather, a model that Spain, for one, is moving toward, in which "there's a great deal of autonomy for constituent regions" – a foil to what is seen as unchecked, dangerous federal power in Washington.
"To a lot of people, the idea of secession doesn't seem so crazy anymore," says Tuggle. "People are talking about how left out they feel, ... and they feel that something strange and radical has taken over our country."

Deal Breakers

2008-11-12T07:11:00.000-08:00

Yes, yet another post on dating. Now that the election is over I can go back to the more important things in life (kidding!).

In dating and relationships what are some things, superficial or deeper, that you cannot deal with at all?

Here are a few on my list:

Deeper

Unemployed guy -I don’t want to be anyone’s suga mama
Guy with no car -we are not in New York and I don’t like being a chauffer all the time
Guy with baby mama drama -I prefer a guy with no kids but I am absolutely out if he can’t seem to develop an appropriate relationship with the mother of his child or doesn’t pay child support
Guy who can’t speak proper English -he must have at least graduated high school and can carry an educated conversation without sounding like Damon Wayne’s convict character from In Living Color
No ex or current convicts- Unless you were a political prisoner (and even then) this is a no go
No drug addicts/alcoholics- this is very bad drama here
Must not be married -should go without saying but goes to even those who are separated unless it’s been almost a year which is the time you have to wait to get a no fault divorce, anything sooner is just well, too soon
Effeminate men- If we see a bug in the corner of the room and your scream is louder than mine we have a problem.
Socially uncouth- Sorry can’t continue to date a guy who picks his nose in front of me or belches or farts without excusing himself. Can’t be messy or gross.

Superficial

Obese guys -a few extra pounds aren’t too bad and can easily be shed but a man who has boobs larger than mine or can’t go on a hike with me because he loses breath too quickly is a no go
A guy who can’t see straight -I’m sorry I just can’ date a cock eyed guy, throws me off
Bad kisser- I’m actually mixed on this one. If a guy sets his ego aside and you say it gently enough you can kind of help him out, hopefully, otherwise it’s a no go
Guys who are too old or two young- age ain’t nothing but a number but there is a limit. I can’t date someone old enough to be my dad (vomits in mouth a little) or young enough to be a cast member in High School Musical nor am I into the whole cougar thing (although I’m a long way from that yet)
Smelly guys- gotta be able to breathe when I’m around you, no compromise on that
Bad teeth- I’m talking horrendous here, you don’t need a perfect set of pearly whites but no missing front teeth, no grills, no mangled-been -eating -rocks teeth
Short men- now I’m short so my definition is a little more open. The man simply cannot be shorter than or as tall as me in flats.

Tolerable things that you can change later on (that isn’t under the whole you can’t change a man theory)

Bad dresser -buy him only clothes for his birthday and Christmas, he won’t complain if he looks good in them or just go shopping with him
Balding -encourage him to shave it all off but as he gets older (say over 45) this just comes with the territory, dating a 20/early 30 something with George Jefferson hair is not cute.
Hairy -unless he looks like one of those Gieco guys this isn’t really a deal breaker, at the most encourage him to shave

What’s on your list?

The Dating Game: Perfection vs. Flaws

2008-11-10T05:42:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I did a post on dating but I had some random thoughts. I've written about the whole chemistry vs. practicality bit and have come to a realization through all my dating trials and tribulations that I prefer good conversation and not necessarily any overwhelming chemistry on the first couple or few dates. Chemistry is important but sometimes it can be deceptive and throw you off track. I'm not saying if you don't feel the slightest bit of attraction to someone wait it out. If the person visually doses nothing for you, you aren't going to want to continue dating them, it'll seem more like work than fun. And chemistry exisit for a reason.

Call me jaded, but I just don't like the idea of getting swept up in chemistry. The idea, for me, is to really get a chance to see the person and gain a solid connection. Stay clear headed enough to not fall for the "hype" and, instead, see the real. Again, this is ideal but not always the case.

I have had several coworkers and friends warn me about men that are full of the "hype" aka do every thing perfectly. They say if you meet a guy who you have little complaints about and who knows how to romance you above and beyond the norm then something is wrong. Now initially it would seem like such a pessimistic view to assume that if everything is right something, therefore, must be wrong. But they had a certain logic to their views (and these are all women who are older and married who said this). The thought is that a "perfect man" is actually a player. He knows women, knows their wants and knows how to give it to them. They study women. They gave me several real life examples. The worst being a woman who bragged about how wonderful her husband was, how they never argued and how he always did great things for her. She later found out he had a whole seperate family somewhere else. Another example, was the woman who had a boyfriend of three years who did and said all the right things, said he wanted to marry her, took her house hunting. She found out he had a woman in several states.

The point they were making is that a "good/faithful" man is one who comes with a few flaws. He may not know all the ways to make a woman happy and that you'll have to school him- ever so lovingly of course. They weren't stating that you change him. He'll be who he'll be. Rather the change will be in how he treats you. For instance, one coworker stated that she mentioned to her husband that she loves flowers. Speaking in generalities, the player would know this instantly and show up with flowers on a date. The average good guy might need that message gently repeated several times before he follows through. It took him a very long time but her husband eventually got it.

I said to her, this seems like work. She replied, yes it is but the outcome is worth it. It's a practice in tolerance and patience.

Her advise echoed a bit of the adivse from the author of the book Why Men Cheat, Gary Neuman who also appeared on Oprah. Neuman stated that men, in general, like to feel appriciated and want to feel useful and be praised. When they don't get that, they sometimes cheat. Some women felt that this seemed like a lot of work. To praise a man for taking out the trash? Women don't expect such praise. The Neuman admitted that it wasn't fair but he, like my coworker, simply acknowleged that although men may be physically stronger than women in many ways they can be emotionally more sensitive. I'll preserve my opinions on that but I will say the logic seems sound.

Therefore, per my coworkers logic, if you let a guy know how what he does can help you for the better, rather than nagging or not saying anything, he will be more inclined to do it. He will feel like he is appriciated and helpful and you get what you want. It's a simple give and take really. Not so simple is that you have to constantly work at it. My coworker, inisist that you cannot expect a man to be something or do something, watch out for those she says. If you want to be romanced, tell him what you like. If you don't carry the expectations you won't be let down and you won't pass over a good guy who doesn't mind learning about what you like.

Sound advice but it's so hard for women to hear when we've been raised on fairy tales where men just know what to do.

Yes We Can- Yes We Did- Yes We Must...

2008-11-05T04:26:00.000-08:00

Oh so many things going on in my head right now and I don't want to ramble so I'll be organized!

Obama Won- First Black President!

If there are any young people out there still thinking that the "man" is keeping us down and we can never reach our dreams, stop it now! Now, I'm real enough to know that this doesn't mean racism is dead. I work in civil rights law, unfortunately (but fortunately I have a job) prejudice is keeping me employed. However if this isn't a major step in the rethinking of America what is? Obama got more votes from white America than even Gore or John Kerry did.

And while I admit, I was late to the bandwagon and was initially a Clinton supporter when she lost I had no problems with moving on and doing my part to help change come. And so did many Americans. I waited in an hour and a half line to vote and I would have waited much much longer for this vote! People were crying and others screams of joys as they voted. This was powerful!

The Reaction

When my mother woke me up to tell me he won (I refused to follow and be mislead by the media still healing from the Gore v. Bush wounds where I went to bed with Gore the projected winner and woke up with Bush!) I turned on the TV and many channels were showing the black reaction. People in tears (including Jesse Jackson and Oprah). I started tearing up as well at the possibilities this meant. I hope this places some type of change on the black community and how we treat each other and achieve success.

But this isn't just a black triumph, after all he couldn't have won with just our vote. He got most of the Hispanic and young vote. And as Solidad Obrien pointed out last night, this vote was a clear indicator of what our world is to become in 2050 where minorities as a group will be the majority in this country if we work together. Obama got the majority of the minority vote and that helped him win. The most recent number I've heard so far as to the percentage of the white vote he received was about 44% so it's clear to understand the power of the vote to other minority groups, something it appears McCain (who did a very humble and positive speech last night) might have took for granted.

But all his supporters were joyous as I flipped through the TV stations and saw the diversity in the crowds all over the country and world (people were jumping up and down in Paris, London, Japan, Kenya!). I live in a mostly white neighborhood in the city with a make up of mostly young art students, gay men, young professionals and wealthy people. From about 11-1am last night (at least until I fell asleep) I heard car honkings and cries of joy through the streets. This win transcends color. How encouraging.

Yes We Must

Obama's speech indicated that change hadn't finished and we must all sacrifice a little to help. I'm fine with that. I only hope others understand that change won't come overnight and it won't come easy. I can't help but feel he'll be judged a little stronger than past presidents but I'm hoping people are patient and give him a real fighting chance.

I also hope he has the best security ever invented. I'm talking, protective snipers on roofs, hidden body guards in the audience, bullet proff windows. Heck if he could walk around with a force shield on I'd feel better. Somewhere in the back of mind while watching him on stage last night with no body guards with him, I couldn't help but worry about some fool assassinating him. Even before he won there were plots on his life. Let's hope/pray/wish that this time our history will be different and better.

Now I'm going to go listen to some Sam Cook "Change going to come"

A life changing vote

2008-11-03T05:09:00.000-08:00

I heard this on the radio this morning and had to share/comment if you didn't hear about it.
A woman by the name of Amanda (forgot the last name) who was born in 1899 and the child of a slave just voted yesterday at the age of 109. Can you imagine all that she has lived through? From the immediate effects of slavery, to Jim Crow to MLK to the possibility of a black president?

I would think she never imagined in her life time and the type of injustices she has surely seen that she could imagine an election such as this!

And not just on a racial front, she was a woman and women did not receive the right to vote until about 1920 so she lived through disenfranchisement to the (hopefully not) possibility of a female vice president, not to mention a democratic presidential campaign where the top candidates was a woman and a black man. What a real life progression for her!

I believed that in my lifetime I would see a minority or female president but I thought I would be much much older. On the show, the DJ said the smallest children of today will only know, at least for the first four to eight years of their lives, a minority president or a female vice president. The hope is that they see that and truly believe that anything is possible and hopefully to be more tolerant of one another.

I can only hope what having a black president would do for the image of the black man. People in our generation didn't have an MLK or Malcolm or WEB Duboise and so forth to look up to. Our biggest successes were athletes and rappers (even the respected actors like Morgan Freeman or Denzel Washington or Don Cheadle don't have the kind of clout that Diddy or Micheal Jordan has). This effects what our young aspire to be (speaking in generalities). What would it mean to have the most powerful black man be president? Would this make a difference, if even a small one, on the black, particularly male, youth? Hopefully we will get a chance to see...

VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*get's off soap box*

Boo: A Halloween tribute

2008-10-29T09:58:00.000-07:00

So Halloween is coming up and I, just like a kid get excited for it. As a child doned a costume and I gorged myself on candy and horror movies/ specials/cartoons.

As an adult I cut back on the candy but have in recent years gone back to dressing up. Adults like make believe too!

So this year some friends and I are rocking a Halloween tribute to our favorite make believe girl band of the 80's: Jem and the Holograms.

We're heading downtown and plan to mix and mingle with the other Halloween enthusiasts.

I, like most girls of the 80s loved this cartoon. It was diverse and glamourous.

There was Jem the stage identity of Jerrica who sung the lead.

Then we have her red headed sister Kimber on keyboard.

Next the adopted purple haired sister Shana on drums and guitar.

Another adopted blue haired sister Aja on guitar.

Later in the series comes pink haired Raya to take over on drums.

I remember my sister getting the Jem doll and we got the jem car complete with working radio.

I got the Aja doll (I really wanted Shana because she was African American but they were sold out so I got Aja as back up because she was Chinese and I wanted a minority representative, this was before Raya (Mexican) entered the group).

So this Friday my friends and I are going to relive our child hood fantasy and dress up as our beloved characters. We will of course look like clowns in our 80s make up and gear but it should be fun.

Anyone else dressing up?

Next in my tribute I had to do a count down of my top horror films.

I am a self appointed horror aficionado and MUST stuff myself with horror films (both new and old) during the month of October. Here are some of my favorites/recommendations and why:

Alien/Aliens- I place them both because they are equally good. While some may claim them science fiction I say if it scares me it's horror. It wasn't just the monsters that did it but the suspense and the great character development and I'm sorry Sigorney Weaver's character is the best female movie hero of all time. I hope I can be that strong in time of horrifying crisis but I'm leaning towards the running away screaming or passing out in fright as the real reality.

The Exorcist- I hated that little girl but she still scared me. When I saw her bend back wards and walk down the stairs at her mother's dinner party I was too through. This was only intensified by the random appearances of a demon face in random parts of the movie (check the unrated version), scared me! And the fact that it was based on a true story.

30 Days of Night- this movie is new but it brings the whole vampire lore back to its unsexy past. These are vampires you do NOT want biting you under any circumstances!

Dawn of the Dead (remake)- these zombies are not like the slow moving beings in the original. If you are caught out there with these guys, you're gone. Apparently being a zombie makes you a track star! Also great character interaction.

The Ring (American Version)- Okay, I really don't like this movie but not because it wasn't good- I don't like it because after seeing it once I was literally scared for 7 days. I shall never watch this movie again... Same goes with The Grudge

The Thing (John Carpenter version)- great horror special effects for its time, great scary build up

Most Stephen King movies but favorites- The Mist (very desolate, creepy), The Stand (long but great characters), It (confirms why I hate clowns) , Carrie (don't mess with the unpopular girl), and the Shining (makes being snowed in not so fun).

Poltergeist- Not so scary to me as an adult (hey if they show it on ABC Family how scary can it be?) but still a classic I love to watch. The fact that it is based on a true story also makes it scare worthy.

Any others?

Scare Tactics

2008-10-28T12:53:00.000-07:00

I’ll try to keep my rant to a minimum but I will preface my concern with this: if you are an Obama supporter, you must show up at the polls on Tuesday November 4th and vote, long line and all. Heck, if I can stand in a line in the dark, cold, rain for a sale at Wal-Mart after Thanksgiving, I sure can stand in a line to vote for the next president of the United States!

Anyway, I say all that to say, yes Obama is in the lead but what really counts is if all his supporters show up and vote. And democrat supporters aren’t as fierce as the republican supporters. And these republican supporters have no problem with speaking out for their McCain/Palin ticket, even if some of the things they say are angry and racist. He’s been called everything from “that one” to a socialist and he’s taken it all in stride.

He’s facing threats against his life and his fans have faced false charges of assault (less we forget the moron who made up the claim that a ‘b’ was carved in her face by Obama supporters to the two skin heads plotting to take him along with 100 other black people out, to the man whose Obama/Biden sign was defaced in front of his home).

This election should transcend race but in the face of a possible win for Obama, the fight has changed and some people are grasping at their most basic weapons- hate. McCain alleged he would fight a clean campaign but he hasn’t encouraged his supporters to nor has he done so himself. And perhaps Obama will pull out all the stops in his thirty minute segment tomorrow on TV, no one’s perfect but some of these attacks against him are a little personal and unfounded. Showing some republicans can’t hold it together when the chips are down. Obama’s cool demeanor is admirable and had McCain had such a demeanor and his supporters as well, perhaps he might be doing better (that and if he actually chose a running mate that had some weight outside of being a fashion icon- I must admit her wardrobe rocks, but she’s not running for Ms. America).

And before us Obama supporters get too comfortable, remember Bush v. Gore, Obama needs to have that electoral vote (which so far he has) apparently the popular vote isn’t enough. And then there is the media’s hype that some Obama supporters, particularly white supporters, might get stage or rather vote fright and decide they really just can’t vote for a black man. I’d really like to think better of us. If America is still stuck on this mentality I’m not sure we can really grow for the better but this election will surely help define where we’ve gone or not gone in our race relations.

Finally, all the hype about the long lines (in some places people waited up to 9 hours!) to vote, don’t get scared off- pack a back pack with some necessities, tag team and go with some friends and make an event of it- just go and do what you gotta do. I have no plans on waiting out there that long to vote but you better believe I will if I’m surprised and my usually tame voting site has a line a mile long. I’ll call my job and tell them I’ll see ‘em when I see ‘em!

As an aside- I haven’t seen them yet but am very pleased to see that Comedy Central has given David Allen Grier his own Daily Show type series Chocolate News and CNN (wow!) gave D.L. Hugely his own version called D.L. Hugely Breaks the News. Reviews for both are mixed but I’ll have to take some time to watch them both and check them out. If you’ve seen either let me know!

Vegas Recap

2008-10-23T06:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, I’m back from Vegas (sigh) and am hit with the rather cold reality (what the hell ever happened to it gradually getting colder) that I have no more vacation to look forward to. I must plan another trip- sadness that I live for vacation, I really need to find another line of work or do something that is more fulfilling.

Anywho, here is an edited account of my Vegas birthday bash.
I arrived in Vegas in the afternoon last Friday. I was ravenous so after we waited in an incredibly long line at the Treasure Island Hotel and Casino check in; we freshened up and headed to the buffet. It was so-so, I really wanted to go to the Bellagio’s but our stomachs wouldn’t let us take the trip.

After the so-so meal we headed off to the Fashion Show Mall where I bought a few items (I’d been depriving myself of my shopping addiction for months just for this). I must say, that it wasn’t that easy to find things, although the sales were excellent. Isn’t it always that when you don’t have money you find things you want but when you have money you can barely find anything? Anywho, I did discover that my weight loss put me at a pants/jean size smaller so I’m ecstatic!

My travel buddies got tired of shopping and left me and I eventually met up with them at the hotel. We rested a bit and then got dolled up to go out.

Now let me tell you something about going out in Vegas. If you are a woman, I must say the sky is the limit because clubs want women. And I’m speaking the top level/celebrity clubs too. We got so many offers to be put on the guest lists for places that we had to have a discussion about which ones to go to and which ones to save for another trip (because we will be going back, this is my second time there already).

We ended up at Tao in the Venetian. Got VIP access, no lines, and a one hour open bar. The creator of Family Guy was celebrating his birthday there that night and I meant to find him and get his autograph for a friend who really likes him but let’s just say- open bar- things didn’t go as planned. Anywho, Tao was a lot of fun and a very pretty club.

Next morning, I had breakfast and went back to sleep. We got out around 1pm and walked the Vegas strip, checking out sites and hotels. We ended up at Planet Hollywood where we grabbed a very inexpensive lunch at a sit down restaurant and then did a bit more shopping. We then walked the other side of the strip. Went in the casino of one hotel, played slots, had a drink and then headed back to the hotel. Took a nap and got dolled up (me complete with my birthday tiara-no judgments!) and headed out to Blush at the Wynn. We were supposed to be on the guest list but arrived too late (10:30!) so couldn’t get in because the celebrities were allegedly showing up and no one could get in for the next hour or two. Screw that, we said and we headed to another spot called Poetry in Caesars Palace. This is a hip hop club but we figured its Vegas and in a nice hotel so it’ll be classy. Wrong!

Something about women being dolled up in their dresses and heels and men in long T shirts and baggy jeans that didn’t sit right with me. We high tailed it out of there and made our way to another club called Pure in the same hotel.

We were not on the list here and the door men were WAAAYYY picky about letting people in. It was one of those spots where they look you over and such to let you in. Women obviously having the better luck. I hate places like that and if we hadn’t wasted a ten dollar cab ride to go over there for the Poetry club, I’d have gone to another spot whose guest list we were on (by the way guest list close at midnight and it was close to that hour by then). Anywho, I finally caught the door man’s eye and he eventually let us in for free of course! Anyway, Pure was a great time. Very large and many rooms. The Pussycat Dolls have a nightly show there in their own room so we checked it out.

We made it back to the hotel and grabbed a quick bite before sleeping. One of our friends was leaving the next day so when we awoke she was gone. Mind you we woke at 630am for some odd reason. So we decided to make the best of it and hit Caesars Palace for their awesome spa Qua. We just got day passes and did their saunas and roman baths, tea room and great showers. It was the BEST experience ever. My skin was all glowy and I lost two pounds and my friend lost 5 pounds. Just from lounging in a hot climate. They need a place like that here!

We then went to check out some free shows and sites, played more slots, and headed back for a nap. I got up and headed to the mall again for something and we then went out to dinner. We spoke to some guys we’d been encountering all weekend who invited us to come to a club called Body English where they had a reserved table. We were indecisive but told them we’d contact them later. They were nice and cute but we were so tired! After dinner we went back to the hotel for a nap. When I woke up it was late and my eyes were still red from being sleepy and worst yet my ankle was throbbing, guess the sprain was not completely gone. So we passed on going out. We caught a show in our hotel and then went to sleep.

The next morning we left at the butt crack of dawn and headed home. Sigh, I’ll be back in 2009 for sure!

I think I'm Spike Lee's hype man

2008-10-13T13:07:00.000-07:00

Oprah said the Spike Lee's Miracle at St. Anna was great. Then two coworkers who are familiar with my movie taste said the movie was great and recommended I see it. So a friend and I did check it out over the weekend and I have to say that I LOVED that movie!

It looks like a war movie about the Buffalo soldiers (black army in World War II) but it was oh so much more. The fighting war part of it was only a backdrop and part of the story but not the center. Many side plots, very touching and of course many miracles. It had a few flaws but over all I enjoyed it even though it was long. Spike Lee has really told a story, in my opinion, as good as his Malcom X tale which I believe was his greatest work (I've seen just about all his movies and some are better than others). It's also based on a book if you are a reader. Anywho I'm spreading the word (since the media isn't) and telling people to go check it all!

As a side note here are two things that I'm confused about:

How did Eminem get listed as Vibes best living rapper of all time? Top ten list okay but better than everyone. I'm no great rap head at all and tend to sway towards the conscious bit but he even beat out Jay Z so I gotta scratch my head on this.

Check this blog for an explanation and the bloggers reasoning on why the rating is a bit whack-

http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/hiphopmediatraining/31863/best-rapper-alive-competition-feels-slim-shady/

The stock market raising almost 1000 points. Great news, for darn sure but how'd it happen? Does this mean things are going to get better or is this simply an eye in the middle of the financial storm. I'm weary about getting too happy here.

Final note-

I'm going to Vegas, baby!

For my birthday so I'll be giving you a limited recap (what with what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and all) next week.

I leave on Friday morning! Oh yeah!

Blogger's Block

2008-10-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

Gotta put in my weekly post but not uber excited about anything going on lately. So here are some random thoughts:

The elections give me heart burn -at this rate I say hold all the talk and lets just get to voting, we know everyone's position now and if you are undecided well think on this- if you didn't like Bush's presidency (and with a 29% approval rating who did?- who are those 29% other than his family and friends, they need not be able to vote!) then vote Obama. BTW- does anyone besides me get the feeling that McCain's dentures are about to fall out when he talks?

The now GLOBAL economic climate is scaring me to death. I feel like my trip to Vegas next weekend for my birthday (yea me) will be my last travel horrah for quite a while. Sadness.

I have been smelling gas in my apartment for the last two days and BGE has found no strong readings of gas leak (stove is off) so where the hell is that smell coming from! I kindly informed my landlord that he help me find out. He will check it out today. I was half awake all night fearful I would go down in a literal blaze of non glory. Not to mention my cat was acting like she just found some drugs either that or a ghost was chasing her. I prefer to think the former.

Got engrossed again to the show Heroes but it can be a little iratating. What the hell is going on? The future keeps changing. I really don't like the two main female characters. They put in others but never do enough with their roles. Seems like if you are blond woman on theat show you're there to stay. Just observing...

Wanna see Miracle at St. Anna (a Spike Lee joint) heard it was fantastic.

Why is there a Saw V?

Got a sprained ankle. This is week 6 of it still healing. I plan to be in heals next weekend for Vegas so a miracle better happen! Grrrr

I want Jazmine Sullivan's CD- lovin all the songs I'm hearing from her.

My agency now is doing student loan forgiveness if you join them but not for current employees. I've been in an intern position with them for two years and recently got made permanent so I'm saying now I'm kind of like a new hire. I'm not sure they will accept that but I will try anyway. As an aside I'm looking to join other agency's that will forgive my loans. I gots lots of em!

Okay, enough with the ramble.

Why can’t some body bail me out?

2008-09-30T07:15:00.000-07:00

I’m knee deep in student loans which, after my rent, is the largest bill I pay monthly and although my salary is nice I’m still feeling the stings of my debt and shake my head at some of the not so great financial choices I’ve made. This in turn affects how much money I can give to charity and for gifts. So, can the government help me out? No?

Hmm, so what if I was knee deep in my large companies debt of my making and although I make millions upon millions of dollars a year, I can’t get out of it. This in turn effects the policies I put forth to my customers who are now paying dearly for these polices and bad financial choices I’ve made. Can I get some help now? Yep!

Right or wrong, this is what the public understands the issue to be and they are mad as hell about bailing out the CEO “fat cats”. The problem remains, however, that if we don’t bail them out we all will suffer. Then there is the partisan politics being played. Let’s break this down, shall we, on my extreme laymen’s knowledge of finance.

Public Outrage
We don’t get help when we fail (however, when I fail the economy doesn’t fall apart).
Yet, this is exactly why thousands of people called the white house to protest the passing of the 700 billion dollar bailout. Why help the greedy who make profits of up to 80 million dollars a year!!!! I mean, perhaps, had they been willing to cut their salaries their companies wouldn’t be in such dire straights. Further, the economy and the people facing foreclosure wouldn’t be slipping off of a proverbial cliff. The idea of helping companies whose CEO’s are living large is repugnant to the public.

We are told that this plan MUST happen to help us all but we aren’t really clear why and why no other alternatives work. We are further enraged that the rich CEOs aren’t paying some price for this. Why aren’t they putting their salaries in the pot to help things out? They can afford one less house or car!

The Bailout
If we don’t bail them out we are told the economy will suffer. The situation is similar to saving the life of a murder so that we can use his skills to solve similar crimes (Silence of the Lambs?). If we don’t help these Wall Street companies we can’t make it. Now I’m all for the new regulations and I think the innocent employees at these companies shouldn’t be put out to pasture but the pubic needs reassurance that this is the only way to help us, that it won’t happen again and that there was absolutely no other way (with a detailed explanation of why nothing else worked).

Partisan Politics
As long as John Q Public hates the bailout plan the politics will continue to be played. John Q Public is also known as the voter. And if you are a senator/house member up for reelection do you want your voters upset at you? No. You want to go with what they want and that is a no go on the bailout so you vote their way. You also point fingers at the other side to help you out (anyone hear McCain’s useless rant about Obama and other democrats causing the failure of the bailout? Which is clearly odd to me since 67% Republicans voted AGAINST the bailout! One speech by Nancy Pelosi shouldn’t change their minds- get some tougher skin!)

So What Should Be Done?
Don’t ask me, I don’t know a darn thing about economics but I think the government needs to realize that the public is wising up (or at the very least mistrustful and mad as hell) which leads to no more soothing parent like words to a child like public. We demand some real answers and explanations. For any plan to work and for the pubic to shift, politicians need to understand that we are listening not just staring with mouths gaping open and eyes glazed. We have the Today Show, MSNBC, CNN and even the freaking Colbert Report to break things down to us if we don’t get quite what the politician’s are saying. So work it out- the public is watching!

Race Relations Today

2008-09-25T05:10:00.000-07:00

With the upcoming elections being so historical talk of race can't help but wiggle it's way into our media.

I've read three articles recently that got me thinking: Have we come a long way since the civil rights movement as a country?

Article one in yahoo! discussed whether blacks and whites view race issues the same. The answer is an obvious no. Blacks still believe by at least 60% that racism still is a large issue and it is not our own doing or a play of the race card. Almost an exact percentage of whites believe just the opposite. Why is that? My first thought is simply, blacks (and other minorities) are still the number one victims of racism. We aren't the majority, us employing institutionalized racism on whites will simply have no societal effect. Therefore, we are going to continue to see the world at a different angle than whites simply because of our minority status. In a world where I am one of the few black people around, I am always going to be conscious of that and more sensitive to racial issues that may appear to be less obvious but all the same just as damaging as racism back in the 1960s. I will recognize racial inequality in employment and education as well as racial profiling and even the ever common walking down the street and a person of another race clutching their purse or moving away when you stand near them. A white person, not facing these issues and not seeing these issues on a regular basis (there are no more "for whites only" or "for coloreds only" signs and we don't have the media showing peaceful protesters getting hosed) are not going to feel the sting of racism. Already in this campaign the media has called Michelle Obama, on a professional news cast, his "baby momma" and can we forget the New Yorkers cover of Barack and Michele Obama? Was McCain so disrespected?

This leads me to the next article I read about writer, actor, director Tyler Perry. He was asked why his movies are only about blacks. Okay, side bar, have we ever asked any white directors why they continuously make movies centered around white people? Perry replied that he grew up in a black town and he is writing what he knows. He doesn't know white culture so he can't write about it.

Now, I don't necessarily agree with this but all the same if Perry wants to make black movies then what's the harm? My real problem here is that his statement is so true. We are a legally integrated society making the choice (financial or not) to live segregated. I remember going to college and having a white friend of mine come to me and angrily state how another white person asked her how it was to live with black people. Or meeting white people who had never seen a black person in person. I also remember going to a predominantly black high school and having the teacher ask the students who was the majority race in America to which they replied black, but hey that's all they knew! And that's the sad part, until we really integrate, race is always going to be an issue. We will be afraid to talk about it or we will hold on to negative stereotypes because we haven't met anyone to disprove them.

Which leads to my final article rant, Glamour has a limited series on race and this month they are discussing interracial friendships. The panel discussed how, even though many of them have friends of other races, their closets friends are always of the same race. One friend stated that her Latina friend said at the end of the day she wanted to be amongst her people so that she didn't feel she had to explain herself or her culture and just be. She was tired of people asking her about Latin food. I had a similar friend in college say a similar thing. We were on the Black Student's Association and some of us wanted to do a program that was educational about black culture to enlighten "outside cultures". She said, she was constantly doing that already and she just wanted to finally celebrate us without catering to another.

I get the frustration but it is also a blockage to establishing real cross cultural friendships. Yes, it's an effort to open up to other races and talk to them as you would your same race/cultured friends but it can be pretty rewarding. I remember talking about racial stereotypes and interracial dating in front of my white girlfriends and thought "this will be awkward" and it wasn't at all! Making friends of other races will really help in the effort to eradicate racism. That might mean leaving the comfort of your same race neighborhood to check out other places and maybe join other groups/social clubs. Now I'm not say come off looking like you're trying to make your rainbow connection of friends but put yourself in places to establish new surroundings. I've made the effort and feel I'm better off for it. I think once we expose our cultures, issues and thoughts to people of other races in a friendly atmosphere we can finally establish the foundation to really be a united America.

Get's off soap box.

The Final Straw

2008-09-19T04:47:00.000-07:00

This economy has hurt our gas consumption, has charged us for checking in bags, made us pay higher prices for groceries but the final straw is when they start messing with the most important thing of all: CANDY!

Seems now due to higher prices Hershey's chocolate has taken the cocoa butter out of many of their chocolate candies and replaced it with vegetable oil! Not since the great coca cola switch have I been this upset (okay, I wasn't born when the original soda was out but I keep hearing about how it was way better than today's stuff so now I'm upset).

Anywho, vegetable oil is supposed to be cheaper but you don't see Hershey's dropping their prices on the candy and it tastes different.
I saw this on the Today show and many customers are upset and don't like the taste of the new candy as compared to the old actual milk chocolate they used to eat. Some actually like the new stuff. To each their own but if there is no actual cocoa butter in the new stuff it's not really chocolate but more so chocolate flavored. That's whack! Don't make me come up to Hershey, Pennsylvannia!

Money on My Mind

2008-09-18T05:29:00.001-07:00

Okay, I usually try not to talk money mainly because I'm a novice to it all. I read Suze Orman and other financial gurus and follow their advice as much as my pockets will allow. But all of this financial news I am bombarded with on a daily basis is finally wearing me down. I'm actually wondering now if putting my money in the old school shoe box account is starting to make sense, however, threat of fire or burglery is preventing me from taking such a drastic step. Yet I see why people are considering it. See, even though your money is insured (well up to about 100 or 200k per bank, and not account, and Lord knows I don't have anything saved even close to that to break a sweat) you got to wonder how our money would really be paid back to us if we're in a deficit and bailing out all of these big companies out of big debt.

And I don't care what the republican's say, if tax payers are helping out Fannie and Freddie Mac and AIG then how are taxes not going to rise? This is an extra expense! I'm no financial maveric but the thought seems logical to me that with a new debt so to speak, comes a higher payment. Like you purchase a new item on your credit card, the monthly bill goes up. So my train of thought would believe that if we have some new companies to pay for then something's gotta rise that we pay on a regular basis which would be taxes.

And I'm all for a higher tax on the rich and less so on the middle and lower classes. Typically the middle class always feels the brunt of it. We don't make enough for it not to matter and we make too much to get any incentives or real breaks. Republicans don't favor higher taxes on the rich, who are not the majority, because they state it will hurt the economy. My assumption is this is because if the rich start feeling the burn they will cut back on spending thus hurting our whole capitalist set up. But I have to say if the middle class, which I believe I believe is the majority, stops spending as much due to higher taxes/costs then wouldn't that hurt the economy even more?

The reality is, as long as the middle class suffers and as a results deminishes by finding themselves on the lower class living, the greater our country will suffer. If you check out any third world country you will notice one big factor, a small or lack of middle class. The middle class is the backbone of any thriving society so shouldn't we be treated with a little more respect?

It's a hope that this is like our usual recession (and I mean usual, our capatalist set up makes for a recession at least every decade) and it will end in the new year. But realistic finanical advisors are relating this to a financial storm of the centry. We haven't yet hit Depression crisis but we are well past a usual recession. This one might see us into 2010. So maybe I'll be holding off on my big Europe trip to see where this economy goes.

Music On My Mind This Month

2008-09-17T17:31:00.000-07:00

Pink- So What- Makes me want to cut my hair short and spike it! Then kick some ass!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgJly74APRE (couldn't copy the video directly)

Little Jackie- The World Should Revolve Around Me- Makes me want to rock my fro in skinny jeans and heels

John Legend and Andre 3000- Lovin the beat, lovin it all, glad to have you back John Legend!

Jason Marz- I'm Yours- I've always been a fan of this guy and I love the mellow vibe of this song.

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on SNL- Funny!

2008-09-14T07:26:00.000-07:00

Tina along with Amy Polher as Hilary Clinton did a great job. Had to share!

Cities for Singles?

2008-09-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

So Forbes came out with this years best cities for singles and all I got to say is this: What kind of single people were they talking about?

Here's the link http://www.forbes.com/2008/09/04/best-cities-singles-forbeslife-singles08-cx_ee_0904singles_land.html

but below are the top 25 cities (they list 40 in all with my family home town of Jacksonville, Florida being last (not surprising! there's no one there!):

Atlanta - now for a black straight woman, I wonder if this is really accurate. I heard there is a large gay black male community here (down low and out) and even though there is a large upper class black community with a cool night scene, I'm not sold on Hotlanta being the place to be.

San Francisco - now, come on, they are not talking about straight singles here! which is fine but lets be clear so no one gets set up!

Dallas - I could see this

Minneapolis - is this a diverse city?

Washington D.C. - all the women in this city? they must be talking about for single men

Seattle - I actually hear good things about this city

Boston

New York City - not surprised

Orlando - guess all those disney characters are hooking up!

Phoenix

Chicago - I'm a beliver, guess people want to get attached when it gets really cold there

Denver-Aurora - same thought here

Miami - all the beautiful people, wonder if it's really superficial, like do you need to be a model to find love here?

Austin

San Antonio

Los Angeles

Houston - this is the fourth texas city announced, guess love is big in texas too!

Charlotte

San Diego

St. Louis

Columbus

Philadelphia

Tampa-St. Petersburg

Las Vegas

Baltimore - scratches her head on this one, are they thinking of all races and social economic backgrounds when they list this city? You know maybe there are a lot of single folk here but we sure aren't meeting each other (at least not eligible (ie educated, job having, no drama/std/drugs toting) ones)

The site also list other categories like best/worst night life- NY got the best, Charlotte, NC got the worst (number 40 out of 40), Baltimore was 21st

best/worst on line dating- Charlotte was the best (makes since since their night life is the worst guess they spend more time indoors on line at night?), Memphis was the worst, Baltimore ranked 23rd.

best/worst culture- Los Angeles was the best, Jacksonville ranked worst, Baltimore ranked 17th. Now by culture I'm not sure if they mean racial diversity or artistic culture or both. If artistic or both- I might agree. I still haven't found the arts scene in Jville and it's hardly a diverse city (still some racial problems going on there) and ranking Bmore as slightly above the middle seems fair. We've got a lot of art but we aren't beating out NY , Philly, DC or Miami, especially when mixed in with the diversity factor.

In all honesty, I think this site is talking about who has more singles in it than which city has more love opportunities for singles. Therefore Jacksonville ranking last makes since, seeing as all my cousins are in relationships there. Atlanta and New York being top cities only shows that there are a lot of single people there which might mean less people interested in committed relationships which may mean lesser chances of getting in a relationship there (but I guess you'll have fun dating!) Using that logic then wouldn't it make since to go to the states with fewer singles? It may mean that the few singles will feel a greater desire to get in relationships because the single scene is so small. Hmm, just wondering.

I'll do what I want to do!

2008-09-11T06:22:00.000-07:00

That seems to be Oprah’s motto in response to those pushing to have her ask Palin onto her show. After all, says critics, she’s had Obama on, it’s only fair. But the big O says no more politics on her show until after the elections. People are threatening to protest and some staff walk off her show. They feel if Oprah’s show is really for women then having Palin on the show would be a perfect piece. And it’s only fair to the republican side of her audience.
Here’s my take on it. Oprah has never really done the politics thing before until Obama. She made a public stand that he was her candidate. So already she crossed pass her regular neutrality line. Once that was done did people really expect her to go back to neutral and have Palin on her show? If she’s pushing for Obama, and we know Oprah’s clout, why would she have Palin on her show? It would look almost like an endorsement and might help to sway female voters who were following Clinton.

That is, assuming, Oprah had Palin on the show to display a more human/down home side to her that Oprah has done so successfully for other notables who were booed by the public. For example, Tom Cruise. He came back to redeem himself on her show after the couch jumping incident and I must say, I found him quite charming. And so did a lot of her audience who commented that that appearance changed their minds for the better about Cruise. Obviously, she wouldn’t want to do that for Palin, at least not before the vote. She’s pushing for Obama so making Palin seem great goes against that.

The deal is, no one was making a huge fuss (or maybe I ignored it, I do remember being a little shocked that she even took a side) when she endorsed Obama. The obvious flip side to that meant that she did not endorse Republican by extension that being McCain.

People, if we knew she didn’t endorse McCain, what would be the point of putting his running mate on the show unless she planned to negatively interview her? You know, like when talk show hosts interview murders, rapist, abusers, KKK. They aren’t doing it to make them look good!
If McCain’s committee continues to limit the forums that Palin goes on (to what, protect her? Not a good leader look right there) then they would not endorse having her on Oprah for a negative interview. Their hope would be that having her on Oprah would pull female votes, and Oprah ain’t having it.

Hey, Oprah has more money than she can count. She isn’t worried about loosing viewer ship or subscribers to her magazine. She would still flourish without them both. If she was going to lose out big time, it would have happened right after she endorsed Obama. Any leavers now aren’t going to make a big difference.

She isn’t a political show so she owes no neutrality to the public.

Running Scared

2008-09-09T05:45:00.000-07:00

Okay I run a few miles a few times a week (okay, I run/walk a few miles a few times a week). It’s good exercise and I lost a lot of weight doing it. Anywho, whenever I go running; morning, evening, weekday or weekend; I can’t seem to bypass the catcalls, car honks or stares.

I just wanna run people, why does it have to be a spectacle? I’m not wearing anything other runners aren’t wearing, heck, I wear more. Nothings hanging out, so I’m not an eye sore. And a lot of other girls run who wear much less and are cute don’t get the obvious harassment.
The only difference I can think of is I’m a black female.

Despite what you might have seen in the Olympics there really aren’t that many black runners. Scratch that, not many Black American distance runners. Since I’ve taken up running (well jogging), more than a year ago, I can count on one hand the amount of black women I’ve seen outside running, a few more for power walking. Not that I’ve seen a whole bunch of black men running, but there are more.

I really don’t get why it’s such a rarity in my city but it needs to stop. I get so tired of running past of group of black men who stop their conversation and watch me as I run past, making a comment or two, sometimes verbal sexual harassment or sometimes for the positive like “run, sista”. That’s not so bad but sometimes I just want to run without looking like I’m making a stand.

Heck even people of other races look. Usually not the other runners, I usually get a nod or hello from them, which makes me feel like I’m part of some special inner circle (silly I know but encouraging none the less). However, I think other races seeing a black person run in the city are still taken back, you can just see the look of curiosity on their faces like “where’s she going, is she late for the bus?” (Just kidding). This is not everyone but I encounter it from at least two people every time I run.

Anyway, all I’m saying is, I need to see more women of color out their running (particularly Black and Latina, I tend to see a fair amount of Asian women running already) so I don’t continue looking like I’m marching for change instead of simply getting some exercise. Heck, I don’t care if all you do is go for a power walk just get out there so I’m not alone and it becomes the norm!
That is all.

On My Own

2008-09-02T10:19:00.000-07:00

I guess I’m late to the game but I finally moved out on my own. After years of living with parents and then in college and then back to parents while in law school and then with roommates I finally decided to take the plunge and move on my own. And here is what I found- It’s scary!

Okay, so I am a city gal all the way. I also consider myself very bohemian/artsy so what better place for me to move than the arts district. A bit pricey but for the area and cost the space is a good size. Also, the landlord is very flexible so if I have to move before the end of the lease I can and the area is excellent. Close to stores, restaurants, boutiques, night life and the Penn Station. (My parents aren't, they think I should be in the suberbs, I think "why not just wheel me into a nursing home early" because that's how much fun the suberbs feels to me).

But I must admit, I can be a bit of a princess and I can be a type A personality. My apartment is not the high level I’m use to living in (suberbs or city) but I knew that I wouldn’t be having top notch as soon as I moved in. It’s just hard getting use to the “lived in” feel. In essence, say my friends who helped me move in, it’s very New York- take that anyway you want to. I choose to focus on the positive as I like the New York feel and have been busying myself watching the Home and Garden Network with tips on how to decorate in smaller area. Also, the area forces me to stay on point. I live off of a main street so it can be high traffic (can’t even park from 4-6pm on weekdays) so can’t come out of my place looking like I just woke up. Reminds me of when I studied in Central London for law school. I was in a major area (kind of like Soho/Manhattan) so when I went running and had on ill fitting jogging pants and a old tshirt I felt like a slouch next to all the other pedestrians. I vowed to look more together, even when working out or going to the grocery store for just a carton of milk. I’ll be doing the same here!

What makes it scary for me is that I really am on my own. No roommates to watch America’s Next Top Model with (which starts tomorrow!). If there is a noise my cat sure isn’t going to do much but hide next to me. And if I find a bug or mouse, Lord help that landlord because he told me they don’t have pest problems!

I don’t know maybe it’s just the first time jitters and I’ll get through it. All my friends live on their own and I know a few people who live in my neighborhood.

It’s a fixer upper but I’m going to work it out and the landlord said he'd credit me for any imporvements I made/painting I did as long as I cover it with him first. Might take some pictures and show you the after

Anywho, wish me luck!

BTW- until I get my home internet up and running I might be a little delayed on posting on my site and commenting on others. Hopefully I can get that resolved A.S.A.P. cause I'm dying withoiut internet at home (luckily I got my cable installed yesterday to occupy me, I could read though...)

Taking the bait

2008-08-30T06:27:00.000-07:00

So McCain chose a woman to be his vice presidential running mate. The act in and of itself is great but I'm not convinced on the motives. She is very young and in my belief less experienced than Obama, an aspect McCain loved to criticize Obama for (she's got 13 years of experience and no foreign policy experience, only two years as a governor of Alaska and the Republicans try to build up her military experience by saying she lead the Alaskan national guard for two years- not convinced). Republicans are hoping her presence will sway some Hilary supporters who were looking to change history with a woman for president. Well this Hilary supporter (and now Obama supporter) is not taking the bait.

Why would I vote for McCain simply because he has a woman VP? I mean, isn't that their sole reason for believing she would help take away possible Obama votes? Palin and Hilary do not share hardly any views. Palin is pro life, pro guns and shares Bushe's failed economic policies. So, again, outside of her sex, why would I vote for McCain? Does he really believe women are that unintelligent that we would fall for the hype? Newt Gingrich said on the Today show that he urged McCain not to pick a typical older white male as a running mate which he points out Obama did. Looks alone should not be the factor in picking a VP. In addition, if we are going on looks, I think Obama's look changes the face of politics enough so I think his pick of Biden, if we're going on Newt's superficial stance alone, was just fine.

Some are worried for Obama's camp because of this change but I'm not. I might check out the Republican convention to get an idea about her. After all Palin was a former beauty queen and Ms. Congeniality. Maybe her personality could sway some voters. But for serious voters, she's going to need more than a smile. She's going to need to distance herself from all the negativity of the Bush administration and show that even though she's young and not too experienced she can pick up the torch should McCain not be able to.

As an aside though, I must say, it is a change in politics if the normal faces are recognizing that voters are now open and ready for new types of faces in our government. There may come a day when the presidential candidates for Republicans and Democrats could both be women and/or minorities.

Vote or Shut Up!

Hilary made me late for work

2008-08-27T05:18:00.000-07:00

I hadn't planned on it but got sucked into Hilary's speech at the democratic convention and I must say I think she did a wonderful job. I admit that I was a Hilary supporter so I was nervous about Obama winning. However, I had no problems with jumping ship. I still have my concerns about him but feel something new and fresh in the White House beats the same old same old. How else will we make any positive change? Albert Einstein, I believe, said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Well, voting McCain, in my humble opinion might be insanity. But enough about that back to Hilary.

My concern has always been that if she lost, her supporters would turn their backs on voting Democrat and if we got full support, political analyst believe Obama could win. I think her speech was great in pushing her supporters to now support him but is a speech enough? I can only hope that we see more of her face in his campaign and that the media stops hyping up any tension the two camps may or may not have. We really need a show of unity.

Anywho, I watched her whole speech and loved it and then couldn't get up on time this morning because I stayed up later than usual to catch it. But I think it was worth it...

TV Nation

2008-08-27T05:13:00.000-07:00

Now that the Olympics is over and soon the Democratic/Republican conventions will be on and off, I am gearing up for some favorite TV shows to return or interesting new ones to air. Here are some of interest to me and when they air. I stared the ones that are must sees for me.
This site, http://www.thefutoncritic.com/guide.aspx?id=fall_2008-
displays all the shows and what days they’ll air.
I feel a DVR usage coming in full gear!

*America’s Next Top Model- Airs September 13- CW Network-look for the first Trangendered person on the show and (s)he is from Maryland…No comments

Gossip Girl- September 1- CW- yeah, I know I’m too old for this but I made the mistake of watching it once when nothing else I liked was on and got hooked!

90210- September 1- CW- actually I don’t really plan to watch more than the first episode just out of curiosity as I used to love the original series. At least this time they added a person of color.

*Lost-January-ABC- the best yet most confusing series ever since the X-Files (whose second movie I’m so sad about)

*House- September 9-Fox- that’s one angry doctor

*Grey’s Anatomy- September 25- ABC- I was really hoping they would have killed off Izzy

*Fringe- September 9-Fox-new series from Lost dudes and it has Pacy from Dawson’s Creek and the black from the Wire/Oz/Lost- Looks cool

*Heroes- September 22-NBC- hope this season is better than the last

*Law and Order: SVU- September 23- always a good bet

*CSI- October 9, CBS- never really got into the show (but love the CSI: Miami spin off- Sept.22) but with Lawrence Fishburne cast as the new lead detective I’m going to check it out

*ER- September 25-NBC- I have been a loyal viewer and with Noah Wyle back and Angela Basset cast I will be glued to this final season

*Supernatural- September 18-CW I love the guys fighting evil on this show, funny

*Sarah Connor Chronicles-September 8-FOX- I was skeptical about a Terminator series but they did a great job with the first season

Damages-TBA-FX a great legal/litigation series with Glen Close as a high powered attorney almost as crazy as her Fatal Attraction character

*Nip/Tuck-TBA-FX- what can I say, who doesn’t love Christian Troy or the insane plots?

*Always Sunny in Philadelphia-September 18-FX- some call it the new younger version of Seinfeld I just call it funny

Prison Break-September 1- FOX- how many times do they have to get out of jail? Let’s see

*Private Practice-October 1-ABC- a spinoff of Grey’s Anatomy with slightly older slightly less annoying characters and Taye Diggs who I like in this series but who I haven’t liked since Best Man

Smallville- September 18-CW- now that they’ve gotten rid of that pesky Lana the real Lois and Clark matchup can occur!

The Cleveland show- TBA- FOX- Well if I loved Family Guy, gotta watch this too!

*Battlestar Gallactica-January – SciFi- their final series, yes I am a scifi geek

Raising the Bar- September 1-TNT-I love a good law drama and with Zack from Save by the Bell I’ll watch

Dirty Sexy Money- October 1-ABC- again a random show I got hooked on about rich people and their secrets. Hey, it has Blair Underwood in it!

Shows on Premium Cable this girl will be sadly missing until the season comes out on DVD:

Crash- October 7- Starz- based on the Oscar winning movie comes a series about race relations

Dexter- September 28- Showtime- the sympathetic serial killer returns

True Blood- September 7- HBO- Gotta love a good vampire series and it’s based on a series of books

Sigh, I watch way too much TV, I might have to let something go…

Famous Hollywood tidbits about Maryland I never knew- Why don’t we get more hype for the positive?

2008-08-20T12:19:00.000-07:00

I was trying to fight sleep at work so I did a random wikepedia search to wake me up and found that Maryland (my state) has quite a few famous folks from or who grew up in the area. I knew about Tupac, Jada Pinkett, Julia Louis- Dryfuss, Michael Phelps, Carmelo Anthony and Billie Holiday but some notables I never knew were- Babe Ruth, Martin Lawrence, Ben Stein, Good Charlotte, David Hasslehoff, Kathy Lee Guildford, Taraj P Henson, Goldie Hawn, Harriet Tubman, Adam Duritz from the Counting Crows
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_from_Maryland#Musicians

We need more Maryland Hype Men/Women. People leave and you don’t ever hear about it from them. I think the biggest Hype man we have is John Waters (of Hairspray movie) and he is particular to Baltimore and then a very certain subculture of Baltimore. I know it’s difficult but if collectively we put a little more pride into Maryland and it saw continued housing/retail/job growth as well as a real stomp out on crime it would seem like a much more appealing place to live.

Here are all the movies shot in Baltimore
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_shot_in_Baltimore,_Maryland
Some notables I never knew- Beauty Shop, Live Free/Die Hard (although one scene was supposedly at the SSA building in Woodlawn- let me tell you I don’t know what SSA building that was but it was no parts of around here!), Runaway Bride, Silence of the Lambs, Sleepless in Seattle, 12 Monkeys, The Sum of All Fears, Something the Lord Hath Made (you mean Mos Def was filming in Bmore and I didn’t know?! For shame!)
Films shot in Maryland but not specifically Baltimore are Enemy of the State and Wedding Crashers.

I’ve heard that Baltimore is the perfect location for movies because you can find a neighborhood that looks like one in another city or time period. So you don’t have to travel as much. You can do a setting in New York and one in Philly in present time and then in the 1960’s all right here.

All I say is, if Baltimore is so darn dangerous would they really let Rene Zelwegger film her current movie here (she filmed in the county and the city)?
And the show Ace of Cakes (on either Bravo or TLC) is set in Baltimore at the Charm City Cakes place in Mt. Vernon (the city) I believe.

You know for all this stuff you’d think we’d have a better reputation, just a little… I mean the president’s own daughter lives down the street from me (well almost, I could power walk to her area) and Michael Phelps is buying a ridiculously pricey condo in the city (I could go for a long distance jog to get to his area- not that pressed).

I’m just saying…

Some more songs I'm feeling

2008-08-19T16:34:00.000-07:00

Other songs in my head...

Jazmine Sullivan- www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0rnsezVYh0 - they call her the new Lauren Hill. I'm not sure I can go there just yet but this song gives me a reminder of Hill's X-Factor song.

Solange- I Decided- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pD8wzrBLrLI -yeah, yeah, she's a mini Beyonce but I really think this song sets her apart from her big sis and it's got an old school/Supremes feel that's pretty catchy

Kate Nash- Foundations -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orACIBjHuI4-these British singers are really resonating with me

The Garden- Mirah- - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89XQVSStDII- heard this song on So You Think You Can Dance and it got in my head, mainly the beat, here's the song (no video yet)

Common- Universal Mind Control- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRW5keYnTh0 - there's no video yet, I think but here is the song. I am a definite Common fan!

Is Black Still Beautiful?

2008-08-12T17:43:00.000-07:00

I’ve posted about Black women before but after a rather “interesting” discussion with a white male friend of mine I have some more thoughts. Disclaimer for some of my friends thoughts: he got a nice intellectual tongue lashing from my roommate and myself.

My discussion with my friend began when we discussed women’s figures. He happens to like thin women (like size 6 type women). He doesn’t understand why other races, particularly black men find larger and/or more curvaceous women appealing. He further wonders what all the appeal is with black men dating white women. He says they are just as crazy as other women. And he says it can’t be the figures because he constantly sees black men with “out of shape” white women.

We ponder why we don’t see more (although it is growing) black women/white men couplings. Although a good number of my black female friends and family members have married or are seriously dating white men, I do know that a large percentage of black women (ok I don’t know for sure) still aren’t into the idea.

He stated, with a disclaimer to me but we were being honest, that he doesn’t believe many white men are attracted to black women (I have heard just the opposite from my other white male peers so I don't hold his word as the be all end all). He discussed the whole black women with attitude perception, which to a degree he understood, given the circumstances one might be in (for instance, he fully believed that it was expected in the black community for black men to cheat, at least according to all his black male friends- I demanded to know their names!). His main issue was that our group tends to run on the larger size. He states when you usually see a white man with a black woman, the black woman is usually very attractive and toned or ten times better looking than the guy.

I tried not to be offended by his comments about us running on the larger size, mainly because, heck it’s true. For better or for worse, we have a higher percentage of thick women in our culture than white women or Asian women. And even in our smaller sizes, we're curvier, which is alright by me. There are a slew of reasons for this which I won’t get into but in any event, he said he found it unappealing. In addition to that many of the women in our fair city don’t hide their weight but flaunt it. Muffin top, camel toe and all. I told him there were many gorgeous women in Baltimore . And it’s true but if you are in the city, the type of woman that is most common is a bit curvier and a little more “round the way” in how she carries herself.

So I wonder: What image do we as African American women present to the world, superficially? It seems that we can have all the Tyra Banks, Gabrielle Unions, Jada Pinkett-Smiths and Joy Bryant’s that we want, all it takes is one Sheneenee with roller's in her hair, missing front tooth and belly hanging out that the news keeps showing over and over again. And the media loves to find that image. If they are thin- they are a b*&^%, if they are overweight then they are good motherly/sage types. If they happen to be thin AND nice then they are (or become) very European in image (Beyonce).

I would love for others (inside and outside our race) to see us as beautiful like we see ourselves without conforming but I’d also like for us to dignify ourselves with a more sophisticated image. As a collective we may never be a skinny people (this simply could be because the people we were descended from in West Africa were not of that rail thin physique- but that doesn’t mean a free for all pass to obesity either), our hair may continue to grow out instead of down and we can’t nor should want to all be fair skin. There is a line, albeit blurry, between not conforming to Westernized standards of beauty and still presenting an attractive image. The question is- are enough of us doing that or is society doing too much negative generalizing?

Dating Etiquette: Outdated or Underused?

2008-08-06T13:18:00.000-07:00

So after two planned dates where the guys suggested venues closer to where they lived (and I'm not talking about a spot they've gone to that's unique to that area, I'm talking movies and a starbucks) instead of where I live I am brought to a grinding halt to wonder: Has dating etiquette changed or is it just some of the guys that I am seeing?

I believe that the first date should be at a location closer to the woman, or, at the very least, a location in the middle of where both parties live. I have dated too many guys who pick places down the street from them and have me taking the hike to meet them in their place. So that when they are snug in their beds at the end of the date I’m still driving my way home, using up more of my gas and expanding my carbon footprint. A restuarant they know of down the corner from them that they like and want to share with me is one thing, a generic place I can find anywhere is quite another. I can find a starbucks anywhere so why should we go to the one close to you instead of a middle ground?

I’m not picky on what the first date should be. I find letting the guy select tells you a little bit about him so if he chooses Chucky Cheeses as the date locale, fine. You’ve just found out he may have some growing up issues and you were forewarned. Had you picked the place you might have to find out a harder way. In any event, I think it’s good to let the guy be the “man” and plan the date and have the opportunity to impress you rather than you taking control of the situation the first time around.

Further, I’m not a stickler for traditional dates. I had an older co-worker balk at the idea that a guy wanted to meet me in the morning for coffee on the weekend instead of a nice fancy brunch. She said in her day guys wanted to impress women and take them out to nice places. She felt a guy who just took me to coffee thought that he was “hot stuff” and didn’t need to make an impression on me. I admit, brunch would have been nice, but I get it if someone is a constant dater, taking people out to fancy dinners/lunches/brunches all the time can be pricey. Especially if you don’t really know the person. Starting with a budget friendly date is no big deal but eventually I think all women, liked to be treated special. But it did make me wonder...
Sign O the Times I guess.

I still think the guy should pay for the first date no matter who suggests it. I’m all for going Dutch once in a while after the first date and even having the woman paying for it all further down the line but a guy who asks me to come out of pocket on the first date, especially if he asked me out, would annoy me (notice I said “would” because fortunately that hasn’t happened to me). It’s not gentlemanly or impressive. Not saying I have to be taken out to a fancy restaurant if its not in your budget but wherever the place is, asking a woman to pay up is not going to get you brownie points and will down grade your status. A woman likes to offer and then perhaps the guy will say “no it’s on me” but definitely don’t ask her to pay a thing on the first date. At the very least it makes me think that he is only interested in being friends (even though my male friends have paid for outings with me before) and not that he is simply cheap or confused about how far the women’s lib movement really goes.

He should follow the date up with a call or text to make sure you got home safely. I admit, most guys I go out with do this but when they don’t I get a bit bothered. I don’t expect a new found parent but darn please give a crap whether I make it home safely or not? Or is he already a sleep since the dating location was close to him?

I’m just saying... What is the real dating etiquette for the millennium?

I'm Sorry, so sorry

2008-07-30T14:26:00.000-07:00

Soooo a hundred and 40 something years after the end of slavery and about 50 years after the end of Jim Crow the government finally apologizes for both. See article here- http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080729/ap_on_go_co/slavery_apology

The current push for the apology came from a White Tennessee Democrat (some wonder whether he pushed the resolution to aid him in a primary he has against a formidable black opponent). Fear in the past of apologizing came from fear of having to pay reparations (which I'm on the fence about) which this new resolution mentions nothing of. Yet, Congress did not fear apologizing to the Japanese for their time in internment camps or the Hawaiians for overthrowing their ruler in the late 1800's.

It's always nice to receive an apology and some feel this is just another step towards racial tolerance in our country. But...I'm not so convinced this will do anything. Maybe it's just the pessimist in me. A little acknowledgement to the injustice put upon African Americans in this country is welcomed but actions speak louder than words. But it's notable.

Meanwhile my friend put me on to an upsetting headline from CNN (who I am at times convinced is not black people friendly no matter how many correspondence of color they have, although I exclude Anderson Cooper from this)
1 out of 2 with HIV in U.S. is black, report says
http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/07/29/black.aids.report/index.html

Okay, so my friends and I had the gripe of how this title is provacative and how many people will interpret it as a black only disease or use t to sterotype. The media loves to sensationalize things. Now, I'm not saying there is no truth to it but there is a more tactful way to address something that will have people focus on the issue and how to resolve it(which is use some protection people or keep your legs closed- what's the problem!) rather than have people too pissed at the title and the way the matter is presented to focus on the real problem.

You read that title too fast and it makes you believe that one out of two Blacks has HIV. Read the report and it makes it appear that AIDS is a black disease which is a bunch of bull. It affects black women between the ages of 24-36 at an alarming rate, comparable to that of third world countries. Frightening. But how misleading could this report be?

I really wish the media and the health community would show how narrow their studies are. This disease isn't affecting all blacks at a high rate. It is a affecting a subset of blacks at a larger rate (drug addicts, incarcerated, lower socioeconomic backgrounds). Why not make sure that is mentioned?

My issue, to go off on a tangent, is that sometimes doctors think they know my medical history/future based on my race. I'm black therefore I will have diabetes, hypertension etc. But is it more accurate to access my lifestyle first instead of assuming I am living a certain lifestyle that would put me at risk for those illnesses simply becaue I'm black?

Acknowledging race in health is important, we want to make sure we get the appropriate test and aren't ignored simply because a certain illness doesn't affect whites, but at the same time we don't want to be penalized either. So to my doctor- when you ask me about my diet and I tell you I don't eat white breads, fried food all the time , didn't grow up on kool aid and high sugar drinks and don't munch on chitlins etc, please believe me! Don't assume that you know my diet and therefore my future health issues because I'm black! I want doctors to access my health based on me as an individual and not as a statistic for something that may not have any baring on my life style!
Get's off soap box.

Now entering: Adultville

2008-07-22T15:58:00.001-07:00

I knew it would happen one day. I knew there would come a time when I'd simply be out of the loop. I thought it would happen when I got married and had kids or was well into my 30s but I guess I don't need to have a teen or hit 30 to enter the unhip, out of touch adultzone
Here were some of my tale-tell signs that I, of the Generation Y (whatever that means), have gone to the dark side:

I don't get the damn hype over High School Musical. And now they have a movie going to theaters!
I am not excited about the new 90210 even with Kelly serving as a teacher. The original cast was where it was at!
Jonas Brothers, Cheetah Girls, Menudo (and not the original group, there is a new Menudo)- I can't get with it. Who are these people?
I'm starting to NOT dig popular music or even know who the MTV artist are and using the phrase "back in my day when music was good". Yes, Summertime by Fresh Prince is now my old school cookout jam and I can site Tribe Called Quest as one of the desent rap groups back in the day. The only new rap artist I know of now is Lil Wayne and he is hardly on my good list.
I could give a flying crap what is "in style" now. Not saying I don't know what's in style or won't wear it but it's not like when fall comes I'm rushing to the store to get the latest sneakers or jeans to wear to work. We don't have that new school year/ first week fashion show thing anymore. I don't care if I still rock the jeans I bought in 2001. In fact, I'm overjoyed I can still wear them!
I have finally turned my back on MTV Real world. I just don't care about these people who all seem to look the same each season and have the same problems. Not to mention they are all younger than me now. I remember when they were way older and I had plans to try out for the show!
I don't know all the new slang/lingo. I make up some of my own, bring back some old school stuff (like I frequently use "whack" now) or take some from adult reality shows like Project Runway (I'm all over Christians "hot tranny mess"). But the new words for cool, dope, hot, awesome? I haven't a friggin clue.
Bad ass kids annoy me. When I was younger, I was a kid so I didn't care about other bad kids unless they bullied me. Now that I'm older and I see a kid act up, I shake my head and say they need their butt whooped. Gone are the days when I'd say "I'll never spank my kids".
I'm fierce about my skin care regimin. I may not have bags, wrinkles or dark circles yet but I plan to keep it that way for as long as geneticlly possible so I use the anti wrinkle, under eye creams now for prevention but it does make me feel kind of old to have the cashier ring up my wrinkle reducing chemical peel and have her ask me how it works. Hell if I know but I figure as long as I see no wrinkles I'm good to go!
But on that note, when I wake up from a late night of partying, the reflextion in my mirror is less than camera ready. I need cucumbers to depuff. Sigh.
I'm starting to wake up early on the weekends. I did when I was little but then I hit teenage ville and never cracked open an eyelid on a Saturday before 10am. Now that seems entirely too late. 730/8am is my usual. I like to get out and work out before all the people hit the city.

Any signs you've hit "adultville"?

Music on My Mind

2008-07-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

So I had a blog buddy who used to post regularly different music/videos she was feeling out there and the recent tag post I did inspired me to do the same every once in a while. As a writer music gets me in a zone. Jill Scott gets me to my women's lit mode and Lincoln Park gets me to my horror writing zone.
So I also like to search out for lesser known artist so I live on itunes for unknowns. Not to mention, don't laugh, but the show So You Think You Can Dance has put me on to some really off mainstream lyrical goodies. Anywho, down below are just a few of the videos/songs I'm diggin at the moment (some are old some are brand spankin new). I'll try to put a couple up on a weekly or every other week basis- spread the word underground and what not.

Justin Nozaka- After Tonight (and he's Kevin Bacon's nephew- random)- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgGkJez6pcM

Anything by Adele but this is Chasing Pavements
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qz7vGW2_5c0

Santogold- I'm feeling her Creator song but this is LES Artistes which I'm feeling as well- this isn't a sista who is afraid to rock- we need more!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9JI0GXkARQ

Even though I hate to admit I like his stuff- Kanye West and Chris Martin (of Coldplay)- Homecoming
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hotjeKvovg

That's all for now...

Racial Politics

2008-07-15T16:59:00.000-07:00

I know I'm late to the scene, I've been a bit busy, but I had to stop and take some time to comment on some things, namely this New Yorker cover that is supposed to be a caricature of Obama and his wife.

Yes people are talking. Their talking about the racism, the ignorance, the bias. But what are they not talking about? What issue of great importance are they missing? I'll tell you.

How dare they give Michele Obama that jacked up jerry curled 'fro! Has anyone ever scene her sporting that tired do? She rocks a perfectly coifed bob not some side show Bob from the Simpsons crap they did in this cover! How dare they!

But seriously, I've heard the cover is meant to be a satire on all the ignorance being thrown at Obama from his political haters and some ignorant G.Q. Publics. HOWEVER, I am not satisfied. This isn't funny and things are still too sensitive for those stupid enough to believe Michele is a terrorist and that Obama is a follower of Osama and burns the flag to get that this is meant to show how crazy the statements made about Obama are. In fact, it simply looks like the New Yorker is siding with those simpletons and making fun of Obama.

Now the New Yorker may make fun of other politicians but some things get lost in translation when the insult deals with America's fear of terrorist and misguided criticism of Muslims. I say bad timing. Why wait now to do this instead of when he was campaigning against Hilary? Are they fearful he might actually win? Seems people are scrapping the bottom of the barrel to find ways to discredit Obama. No ones perfect so I'm sure you can find something better to pick on than his name, his former minister, his alleged elitism (if he came from the ghetto would he have enough street cred to run the country? Come on this is the presidency not the rap game, and most presidents have come from money, our current one included. Guess this brown person's getting too "uppity"!)

As an aside, did I miss something, why are all the papers referring to Obama as the "presumed" Democratic candidate but McCain gets the full Republican candidate to his name. What's the presumption? Didn't Hilary stop fighting the good fight?

Black in America

On a semi related note, we get another series on Black America by a news program. This time CNN is airing a two part series on July 23-24. Day one focuses on black women, day two on men.

http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2008/black.in.america/

I'll check it out and see if they do a more detailed review than NBC news did. As long as they don't generalize, I won't be annoyed...

I keep playing Tag

2008-07-09T16:48:00.000-07:00

The True Urban Queen http://thetrueurbanqueen.blogspot.com/ Tagged me!

The Rules
"List seven songs that you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now, shaping your spring/summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to."

My List
(I'm not much for the radio these days so I search far and wide for musical inspiration)

1) Viva La Vida- Coldplay
2) Homecoming- Adele (the 10 times better non drugged out Amy Whinehouse)
3) Shake- Metro Station
4)Creator- Santogold
5) Rising Up- The Roots, Chrisete Michele, Wale
6) Magic Touch - Robin Thicke
7)Tie- Forever- Chris Brown and Bleeding Love- Leona Lewis

Now I'm taggin Girl From Park Heights, Renissance Black Woman and the Anti Diva!

Texting is the New High Tech Security Blanket

2008-07-07T15:29:00.000-07:00

Joe: Hey Cat this is Joe. We met at the gym, how are you?

Cat: Hey, things are good.

Joe: So how was your weekend? I was so busy with family for the holidays. Sorry I didn't call sooner

Cat:.....

No response.

Seriously, dude, pick up the phone! No we are not going to get into a whole conversation over text!

I took a very informal poll and found out that people, most particularly women, do not care for texting as the first communication from a guy. Meaning, if I meet Joe while out and give said man my number I do not care for his eventual technological contact with me to be via texting. Now I'm not talking about I just met him and moments later he sends me a text. That's okay, maybe even cute depending on what he wrote. HOWEVER, fellas, if you contact a person a day or so later and it is via a text message that is a let down.

Calling shows you are motivated to speak to that person and willing to set aside some time to get to know him or her and possibly plan an outing for the future. Texting someone as the first contact is a cop out and makes that person seem like they were an after thought. I say suck it up, take a risk and call that person!

What's the worst that could happen? You've already taken the biggest risk and it paid off because you got their number. And if they aren't home, I know this might be scary for some people but, you might just want to leave a message! Maybe it's just me but I like it when a guy cares enough to leave a message instead of just hanging up. Otherwise I'm left with the fact that he called because I have caller ID but don't know if I should call him back, is it important or does he plan to just call me back when he can? Too many questions, let's be simple, leave a message!

I know it's scary to call someone the first time but texting instead of making that first call has got to be the most annoying thing since walking around with those phone earpieces...when you aren't even talking to someone... or have your hands in use...while on a date. Everytime I see someone walk around with those things like they are Lt. Uhura from Star Trek I have to sigh deeply and practice some Ghandi like patience. Disengage from the machinery people!

Okay, back to the regularly schedule programming.

Anyway, I have to wonder if technology, for all it's greatness, is also making us lazy. I am meeting way too many guys who feel texting me a message for our first conversation is okay. Further , they then try to put the "burden" of calling off on me. They text me saying "hey, it's Pete from the other day, what's up, give a call when you can".

Seriously?

If you are the one interested why aren't you calling me? How has calling someone become the new hot potato?

The Pursuit of Happiness: Can you make a dream a reality in this society?

2008-07-01T07:04:00.000-07:00

You ever have a side of your life that you want to explore or a dream you want to achieve but the process to get there is so difficult or risky? Maybe you want to act, sing or open up your own business. Or maybe you find the place you are living in is not bringing you the excitement you’ve always craved. There is something you want to do that requires you to step out of your comfort zone and decisions must be made. You want to buy a house since this is a buyers market but you also want to move out of the state to find whatever happiness. You want to pursue that catering business you’ve dreamed of but your highly lucrative career makes you put in so many hours you’d have to quit to pursue that dream.

What do you do? We’re encouraged in our society to follow our dreams but real life forces us to put them on the back burner. Buy that house to build that equity even though that may mean you can’t move to L.A. like you wanted or travel to Australia like you dreamed.

It would seem too easy to have everything we wanted. Life, at least in my twenty something odd years of experience, seems to be more of an either/or. Only in college was I able to do drama while at the same time being involved in student government. Sure in the “real world” you could be a professional and take a modern dance class once or twice a week but if dancing is your passion you can’t be a banker and tour with a ballet company at the same time.

But do you give it up for the lure of financial security or even just the idea of making the most money you can make? But who wants to be in their 70s thinking about what they could have been/done/tried? Who wants to live their dreams through their kids (isn’t that the stuff stage moms are made of?)?

The older you get the more pressing is the desire to live the dream. Perhaps you think, after I get married and the kids grow up I can reevaluate my desire to be a film director or open that designer boutique. But deferring a dream is a dangerous thing. You never know what the years hold for you.

So, again, what do you do? I’m of the opinion that you have to make the decision full force. If you want to be a dancer really pursue it. And if it’s more comfortable to set a time limit for success then do so. If you know that the risk is just too great for the realities of your life then you have to be accepting of the decision not to go after that dream. No regrets. Not pursing a passion can eat at you if giving it up was not your decision. Another alternative could be compromising. If you can’t be in the ballet tour, would you be fulfilled teaching dance in the evenings after your full time job? Can you work and sing gigs at night or perform in /direct a local theater company?

Ultimately, make the decision alone. Your parents, most likely, will tell you to follow the money. They are coming from a place of love. They don’t want you to suffer. And 9 times out of 10, that’s what they did. But all that makes is a greater population of unsatisfied people. If you must seek outside advice, I’d ask someone who you trust as a mentor. Someone in the field you want to be in. I have a coworker who is also a published author who gives me some great advice not just about the field but about the outside life matters to pursuing a dream. Make a chart of your goals and weigh them not just on how strong you want to achieve them but also whether it is alright to put them off until later. I desire to buy a house but I actually can live quite happily if I buy the house later in my life than next year. It will be much easier now, as a single woman with no kids, to live the dream of traveling to, say, Egypt than later should I get married and have kids. Buying a house then might actually be easier (especially since I’ll be splitting the mortgage with someone or at the very least have a higher paying salary). Or take the job making the money you wanted to live comfortably or keep the lower paying one for now and have the freedom to do pursue other interest at the same time.

Whatever your decision make sure it’s one you can live, and inevitably, die with.

The Randomness of it all: Things I heard/read:

2008-07-01T05:52:00.000-07:00

So much for hiding from those aliens…

You ever see those sci-fi movies where the earth gets invaded by aliens? Ever wonder how the hell they found us if their planet was millions of light years away. Well this may be the answer. Seems our earth is crying out and what a horrific noise it is.
Here’s the audio and explanation.

http://www.space.com/php/video/player.php?video_id=080627-earth-sounds&vm=r

Now, I wonder how long the earth has been making that noise. For those earth conscious do you wonder if its earth basically in pain for all the crap we humans do to it? Or for the more scientific minds is it simply a part of what the earth does just like spinning. Scientist don’t yet know why the earth makes this noise but they do know that if “others” are out their listening, they can sure hear it!

The Birds!

The Baltimore Ravens are thinking of training real ravens to fly around the stadium during their games. http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Ravens-to-offer-fans-free-peck-your-eyes-out-s;_ylt=Aqxvnhg6FGa7t40l7w5gvYzZn414?urn=nfl,91061

Hmm *scratches head* Nothing about that sounds right at all!

First of all, I hate birds. They fly above you and think the world is their toilet. Who wants to have to worry about a bird dropping a “special gift” on their hot dog before they take a bite?

And ever since watching The Birds I am no fan of them, especially if they come in groups. That always seems ominous to me. Like something bad is about to happen any moment. What if they just go mad, perhaps at the Raven’s bad game, and start flying around insanely and attack people. Again, the threat of having your eye poked out does not make for a relaxing jolly good time. I’d take a pass on this one!

Now that’s taking a chance

Would you go, at a moments notice, to a public place for a date with a total stranger? I mean never seen them before or so much as heard their voice? Well that’s the theme for the ever growing service for single peeps called www.crazyblinddate.com.

You sign up, much like match or eharmony and the site contacts you with maybe thirty minutes notice to go meet Joe Random at said bar or coffee shop. You can log on to the site and see just what this Joe Random is all about but get this, they blur his/her picture. So I guess you have to hope that the “site people” stick to what you request and don’t set you up with someone outside of what you want. I wondered why they keep the picture hidden but realize that if you knew you had to meet a guy or girl at say Starbucks in thirty minutes and checked their picture out and were thouroughly displeased you might be tempted to just not show up which is waaaay rude. So this way you’re coming with an open mind and taking a chance on someone that you may never have winked at on match but is an actual great person who may not be so bad to know further or someone who may actually be just your type. You don’t know.

Still, what a roll of the dice? Not so sure I am confident enough in a strangers ability to arrange a blind date for me. I barely trust the taste of the people I know (who pretty much view the types of guys I’m attracted to as outside of what they would ever have guessed which is why they usually never get it right).

I suppose the first time around could be a fun experiment but after a while I could see this becoming as scary as walking into a dark haunted house- you just don’t know what scary creature is going to pop out at you calling your name!

Cellular Stalker or just that dedicated?

2008-06-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

Okay so I met a guy several months ago. Went out on two dates with him but was just not into him for several reasons which I won’t go into this time around. In any event I kind of just let things die down in hopes that he would take the hint. Does this sound heartless? I have a general thought that the longer you know someone/ go out with someone the more respect you should give them if things don’t work out. So if you’ve been dating someone for two months but just don’t feel that it’s going anywhere then you should, out of courtesy, talk to them and let them know how you feel. But if you’ve only gone out with someone once or twice it might be okay to just stop calling. This happens a lot so this “philosophy” is not uniquely mine. People do this to each other, right or wrong, all the time. It’s happened to me, I’ve done it to others. The world goes round. The idea, I suppose is that you just aren’t close enough after one/two dates to expect anything from anyone.

This guy, in particular, I did not chat on the phone with and we went out twice in the span of a month. He mostly contacted me via text messages which I didn’t particularly care for as the major source of communication. Anywho, he would send texts daily. Nothing exciting- just “how are you” or “good morning”. I would respond. But after a while it became tedious as it was hard to walk around my building at work to find a signal to respond and after I lost interest the trouble didn’t seem worth it.

Eventually I stopped responding.

He still kept texting.

I still was not responding.

To this day I get a text from him once a week (as opposed to initially every day). It has been say 4 months since our last date and last conversation. Why is he still texting me? Seriously- any thoughts people?

As I’ve mentioned in past posts, I’ve gotten the people who have texted me like a year after I met them as if I should remember them. That’s weird in itself but this dedication to texting me is something totally different. The messages are pretty simple as stated earlier but the fact that he is still making the effort is perplexing. Why? Can he not know I’m not into him? I can’t help but find it a bit creepy now… Maybe this is a lesson to just tell someone you just aren’t that into them even after just one/two dates?

Things that put me in a Hulk-like Rage!

2008-06-20T05:22:00.000-07:00

Hulk smash!

So I keep seeing advertisements for the Incredible Hulk which I haven't seen yet but am quite interested in checking out. Anywho, the anger of the hulk coupled with the annoyances of life inspired me to type this post about things that basically piss me off enough to make other's glad I don't go green!

1) People who litter. While I'm hardly a full time tree hugger, I do dabble in the protecting of the earth bit. The other day I was in an all out outrage when I saw some jerk in a red nissan versa throw out not one but two snotty tissues on the road. I actually opened my mouth in shock. Do people still do that? Do people still really throw crap out on the ground? I drove past him with an angry glare (not that he saw me) but I was hot like fire!

2) People who don't do what they say they will to your detriment. Like say purchase plane tickets or book a hotel or pay a bill and now you gotta pay penalty, late or extra fees. I hates to part with my money, especially when our togetherness is so fleeting! Paying extra because I relied on another to get the job done and it doesn't get done just burns me up!

3)Ordering something from a fast food place and then taking it home and finding it's not the right order! Shame on you for even eating fast food that's what you get you say? Don't judge me! If I order a darn chicken sandwich with NO FREAKIN MAYO don't put that crap on my food! I don't care if I paid only a $1 for it - you said Have it Your Way!! And now I have to scrape it off but it never all goes away. It doesn't. Or say I ordered a chicken sandwich and got a burger, now I can't eat it (cause I don't eat red meat) and I'm hungry and lazy ( seeing as I went to get fast food in the first place) so I don't feel like going back! Grrrr

4)Unexpected bills! As I've noted above, this lady is on a budget. I hate to see bills pop up that were not part of my plan. Case in point- I went to the doc's to get some lab testing (no worries good readers, all two of you, I am A-OK) and then went about my merry little way. A week or two later I get a nice bill for about $150. I am seeing red! All I ask is that if the insurance isn't going to cover it all, let a sista know before hand so she can be prepared. I've had doctors usually give a heads up, not this time though! Fire!

5)When I DVR something and then can't find it when I'm all ready to watch it because my busted DVR system didn't do it's dang job! Granted in this day and age if you have the internet you can catch most episodes of your shows on the computer but still I want to watch it on my TV not my little labtop screen. I taped an obscure foreign series and my blasted DVR has not properly taped them (either not at all or cut off early). And I can't find the episodes on the Internet. In fact, hold on let me go see if it recorded it the third time around....

NOPE! Cat Smash!!! I'm beginning to think that perhaps my DVR just does not like this particular show...

That's all for now I'm sure more will come!

So I thought I could dance...

2008-06-18T19:12:00.000-07:00

Okay you may not know this but I am a bit of a reality TV addict. I don't watch everything- hey I have my limits (and Flavor of Love 3 was it!) But during the writer's strike and during the summer hiatus sometimes that's all a gal who waste too much time watching the tube has got!

Anywho, right now my favorites are She's Got the Look, Project Runway (well it starts in July), the Real World Hollywood (I gave it up but got plugged back in when they moved to Hollywood but I'm not loyal to it), America's Best Dance Crew, Big Brother (it too starts in July) and So You Think you Can Dance.

Okay, one thing I love about the dance shows is that it inspires me to get my bum off the bed and get fit. Nothing like seeing someone do a high kick that get's you motivated to see how flexible you are. One high kick and an attempt at a solid back bend later( which resulted in very bad things) and I have decided to get on the Yoga train.

I run, I walk, I do weights, I do dance, I do Pilates but it hasn't made me as flexible as I like (although Pilates is great for the back and stomach). I'm not training to audition for Cirque de Solei but I have problems with my knees and my back and need to get right. I'm 20 something not 50 something! I don't want to be pushing a walker at 40! So I'm flex training and strength training. It's never too late (I hope) to get my figure toned and limber.

And I don't care if I'm the only person who see's that I can do the back bend with the best of them or lift my leg to my ear (ok, that's just not happening without an accompanying visit to the ER). Anywho I'm doing this for me and my health.

So maybe in the next couple of years I'll be joining the ranks of Madonna and Sting with my crazy Yoga poses...maybe.

Hmm- Should I be offened?

2008-06-12T19:28:00.000-07:00

I'm a fan of Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr but I had to stop and scratch my head when I saw this trailer for their new movie Tropic Thunder.

Obviously controversey is already out there even though the trailers have yet to really hit the tube.

I try not to be overly sensitive to some things but its a struggle in progress to me. I understand Downey's character is not suppossed to be black (this isn't Imitation of Life here where we have a white woman playing a biracial/black woman). His character is a white man who is an extreme method actor who undergoes procedures to make his skin darker, change his nose and gets a hair transplant. Even the "real" black character in the movie comments on the "wrongness" of it all. See, the plot revolves around actors who play soldiers in a movie but they actually get caught up in a real war. Downey's character gets the role of the lead black soldier which his actual black costar in the movie is angered about as he has a lesser role and is actually black.

I'm not comfortable.

Obviously there was no mal intentions in creating this. Downey's character is hardly the Black Face we've seen in our history. And we must be honest, many people have done the scenario in recent years (White Chicks, Busta Rymes video, Tracy Ullman , Eddie Murphy (he's done white and asian)).Granted other than Tracy Ullman, I haven't seen too many white people do black face in this day and age but isn't it fair game if black people have done "white face"? Or is the wound of our racist history still to fresh to "go there"? I mean, its not like there was a history of "white face" used to oppress and beat down white people.

I don't know, I want to give the movie a fair shot and hear about how they handle it.

Too Picky?

2008-06-12T18:11:00.000-07:00

Okay so I was listening to the radio on a pleasent yet mad early drive to work this morning. On one of my regular favorite stations the DJs have a weekly thing where they have a person get a chance to confront someone that did them wrong or something of the sort. Today a woman gets a chance to confront a guy who she went out on two dates with who suddenly disappeared. She explained that they had two great dates and then suddenly the guy disappeared. The dj's asked if she had "relations" with the guy and she said they fooled around but it didn't go that far and he didn't seem disappointed.

So they now include the guy and ask him about his version of the dates. He says she was nice but he tended to have a three strike rule - if he notices three things wrong with someone he doesn't continue to see them. I'm thinking okay, let's hear what she did.

Strike one- her bra and panties didn't match. Side note- question guys- do you really care if a woman's undies don't match- is that the ultimate goal? I didn't get it, neither did the DJ. Buy her a matching Vickies set a move on!

Strike two- her nails and toes weren't manicured. Okay if she was sporting talons on her feet and dirty fingers I can see the distain but this can be rectified easily. I wonder how bad they truly were.

Strike three- her teeth weren't white enough
Kay- if she had teeth the color of big bird that might be a bit disturbing but if they were ivory instead of snow white then I'm not with him there. I certainly find missing and/or gold/platinum teeth a strike in my book though.

Mind you the dj's instantly sided with the woman (who added that the guys teeth were capped so she could never get his artificial whitness without dentist intervention). The guy (35 years old) replied that he had a right to have standards and that women do, why not him.

But are women that pickey? And if the situation was in reverse the djs assured him they'd react the same way.

Just wondering if this guy is picker than most men or if that kind of superficial easily fixable stuff is really a deal breaker (I mean we aren't talking removing a hump on her back here).

Tagged part Two

2008-06-12T17:51:00.000-07:00

Been a slow week but Singletude tagged me with these questions so here goes!

What was I doing 5 years ago?
Clerking at the EEOC during a summer in law school. (yikes I'm getting old)

Five Things On my To Do list today (well today is almost over so tomorrow)
1) Get Gas (I'm almost on E!)
2) Get a Father's Day Gift
3) Go to work (sigh)
4)Plan something to do during the evening (hate to waste a Friday night)
5) Pay some darn bills and fuss at my doctors office for billing me 2.50 (it's not much but its the principle, I paid my full copay by credit card so I didn't short change them!)

Five Snacks I love (even if bad for ya)

1) Doritos
2)smoothies
3) large soft pretzels
4) fireballs
5) grapes

Five things I'd do if I was a billionare if I had to spend it all on me
1) Like Singletude, I'd write a book/screenplay
2) Travel the world
3) Hire a personal trainer
4) Hire a proffessional chef to cook all my meals
5)Buy me some land!

Bad Money Habits I have
1) Going out to dinner too much
2) Clothes shopping (though that has died down)
3) Putting things on my credit card (although I stopped that six months ago)
4) Spending money when I've already used all the money in my set budget for the week
5)that's it folks

Five places I've lived
1) Baltimore, MD
2) might count Jacksonville, Florida
3) London, England (for study abroad)
4) no other- I'm rit ta go!

Five Jobs I've had
1)card store retail sales lady
2) receptionist
3) paralegal
4) International Claims Rep at SSA
5)lawyer

Shut up and Drive

2008-06-05T10:49:00.000-07:00

Just checked out these two articles on Yahoo News! And had to comment.

First up this article is entitled Why Gas in the US is so Cheap. Now I knew where they were going with this but to others not versed in the gas prices of other countries this seems like a ridiculous statement! Although our gas is about $4.00 right now which seems insane, especially when compared to our history of gas growth rising at a much lower pace, in much of Europe the gas is about $8.00 a gallon!

This wide gap is in part due to our love of driving and therefore using more gas than other countries and relatively low taxes, in particular our low gas tax. Many other countries taxes are much higher than ours (but then again their tax dollars earn them free universal health care coverage so I wonder if it all evens out…).

But naturally, goes the article, that doesn’t make us feel any better. After all this was a jump that we couldn’t prepare for (much like our gas and electric and water bill jumps) where in those countries the gas has always been high.

I wish we were an oil producing country like Venezuela where gas is only 12 cents a gallon (can you imagine!)

Of course, the countries with the high gas cost have waaaay better public transportation systems (they better have!) so they aren’t too bad off. So I guess states like Maryland, particularly Baltimore, have to start taking serious action on making a better public transportation system. Hint, hint- maybe even one that can connect us to subway stations that actually go to D.C/V.A. like, I don’t know, Greenbelt, MD? Or more stops that connect to towns in the county like Woodlawn, Towson, Columbia? I’m just saying… Prices aren’t going to go back down significantly, call me negative or a realist but we should be prepared for this to be our new way of life. Might as well get adjusted or start walking more.

On a side note, I’ve looked, not aggressively though, and cannot seem to understand how the price of oil decreased but the cost of gas is still going up? Are we getting played?

Also, for you people trying to conserve your gas (and who isn’t) here is a site that very specifically tells you how to do such- http://www.cleanmpg.com/
(btw- apparently the myth that having windows down or using your A.C. eats up gas is not true- the difference between those who do and those who don’t is miniscule, particularly when driving on the highway (the tip is when on the highway use the A.C. when in town use your windows to be more efficient with gas)
http://news.carjunky.com/air-conditioning-versus-open-windows-abc477.shtml

In another driving related article 9 out of 10 women, ages 18-43, polled would rather chat up a guy in a fuel efficient car. So listen up all you guys in your fancy sports cars and SUVs, you’ll get more head turns from women in your hybrid. Is this a continued sign that younger people are more earth conscious than before or simply a response to the growing gas costs? What does a gas guzzler actually say about a man that a woman would prefer, say, a Nissan Sentra driver over an SUV driver? That he’s not earth friendly and therefore not suitable to date? That he’s not wise with money? Not sure I could make such a leap although I’m no friend of SUVs or trucks. All I know is one less SUV off the road makes me all the happier. Power to the tree huggers or at the very least, the economically conscious!

Image courtesy of - http://www.automotoportal.com/article/all-you-need-to-know-about-hybrid-cars

My Sex and the City Outing

2008-06-03T11:18:00.000-07:00

So I checked out Sex and the City on Friday with some gal pals. We went down the fabulous Landmark Theater in downtown Baltimore and you could have sworn there was a fashion show going on because place was packed with women in their “Get em” girl where, complete with fabulous shoes and accessory. Carrie and Samantha would be proud. One comment was “this is the best looking audience ever”. One very kind lady said I looked pretty and asked if I was out on summer break. Bless her heart!
Inside, groups took pictures (mine was one of them) and drank wine and mixed cocktails (the theater usually allows such beverages). Even Danity Kane, who was in the area for a show made an earlier movie but I just missed seeing them.

Anywho, the movie was great. And even though it was nearly 2 ½ hours it didn’t feel like such. No the movie won’t be getting an Oscar but it will keep many of its loyal fans. It was thoroughly enjoyable. The fashion, the love, the fashion, the girl talk… the fashion! And with such mega box office success we’ll be sure to see the rumors of a sequel come true.

After the movies my gals met up with more gals to have none other than cocktails at a trendy lounge in Federal Hill. We drank and talk and kidded around, while dodging drunken Red Sox fans who had invaded our town for the weekend (no offense, new faces always welcomed). Still it felt good to get back in touch with friends I hadn’t seen in a while. And it was heartening to see and hear about groups of friends going to see the movie and relating to the characters and the bonds. Really the show should be renamed Friends and the City because ultimately it’s the bond those girls have that keep the audience going…

Sex and (Baltimore) City?

2008-05-29T09:17:00.000-07:00

I was inspired to write this by a blog I read on b the site
that asked what Sex and the City would look like if it were set in Baltimore (my current residency). Where would the characters live, play, eat and of course drink? For the most part the blogger’s suggested background was quite cleaver. But seriously can Baltimore be a real fifth character? It may have some similar neighborhoods and a store or two like New York but the comparison only adds to how slow the city is. However, it also shows how Baltimore has more going on than what The Wire might show you. Heck, we get so many movies filmed here because it’s a city that can mimic practically any city in this country and if it was a warzone producers surely wouldn’t be risking their actors to film here. See this site for list of movies made here- pretty impressive (Silence of the Lambs, Beauty Shop, Live Free or Die Hard just to name a few)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filmed_in_Baltimore

Anywho, Baltimore is no New York and if Sex and the City were filmed here… well the series would be short lived. Don’t get me wrong, Baltimore is trying to step up (Step Up, another movie set and made here) but it’s not doing it fast enough.

The good that could provide a New York vibe:
1) Housing, it’s really coming up with some sharp looking condos and houses I must say. Although pricey it is in no way as expensive as New York! The gals could feel right at home in Bolton Hill/ Mt. Vernon, Federal Hill, or near the Inner Harbor. But uniquely we have comfy, quieter spots like Hampden, Charles Village or Canton and up and coming spots like Washington Village, Fells Point and Locust Point to consider.
2) The girl’s gay friends could find their scene in the artsy Mt. Vernon district.
3) Shopping is improving dramatically. So many boutiques in Canton, Fells, Federal and Mt. Vernon and even the Gallery Mall has improved (now put in a M.A.C. store, H&M and Sephora and I’ll love ya for life!) And the prices? Very NY cause I know I can’t afford them. But we do have quite a few awesome vintage spots (checked out Hampden lately?)!
4) Art lovers like Charlotte won’t get bored. If nothing, we are an artsy city, with some of the best spoken word to boot, I must say and festivals galore!
5) Pretty good dining scene. There is a great effort to put out new places to eat on a regular basis and I have to say, although it can be pricey, it’s worth a look around and try and the environments- very trendy.

The bad:

1) Our nightlife sucks to high heaven. The girls will only be drinking their cosmos in some very limited spots (Red Maple, Cosmo bar and Grill, Sky Lounge, Pazo). No clubs here really and no new hot spots that open every month like our dinning venues (hint, hint). We are a city heavy in bars with a side of lounges (at least there aren’t many cover charges). I suppose the girls could check out the hotel bar scene (there is the Belevedere). But beware we close so darn early here you gotta go out practically right after dinner (and an early one at that, hehe).
2) Everyone would end up dating the same people (Smalltimore that it is). With a very limited dating scene (Bigs, Aidans, hell Steve’s are hard to come by round these parts) the gals might get bored pretty quickly or else change up partners.

Okay, so maybe the girls won’t have such a bad time here. Provided there were a few more of the male sex here and a bit more exiting night life, I believe Baltimore could be a good fifth character in a Sex and the City life…I’m still moving though.

Too Ugly to Work?

2008-05-29T06:03:00.000-07:00

I heard this on the radio today that there is an increase in plastic surgery from the unemployed. The belief is that if they look better they’ll be able to get hired or avoid firing. This sounds horrible yet I have to wonder: do pretty people have a greater chance at success in the work place?

We all know that a cute girl can wink her way into getting a discount or a free service. And if beautiful people also have the upper hand in the entertainment industry (Jason Castro, of American Idol, proved that VERY clearly as he couldn’t sing a lick but made it to the top friggin 4! And David Cook suddenly got real popular when he ditched that original comb-over contraption on his head and got the sexy rocker look (although he does have talent)).

But seriously, if you are a better looking lawyer will you have more success on your cases?

Will more patients come to you if you look like Christian Troy from Nip/Tuck?

Further if a company has to downsize, and they have two employees with equal talent, are they going to kick out the Brad Pitt look alike or the Oscar the Grouch looking dude? I’m betting on the latter. Is it that better looks means a more positive environment (I know that sounds horrendous but I’m simply playing devil’s advocate here) or more customers?

But seriously, if you’ve got an intelligent worker who produces well but looks like Bill Gates you’d be a fool to fire him over the dumb bell Pam Anderson look alike.

But we simply can’t make light of the situation. People who aren’t defined as what our society would deem attractive don’t have it easy and now to think that they might be placed more at risk for their jobs is even more disheartening.

I admit, some days I might come to work looking a little tired or have a bad hair day but no one wants to think that their looks might mean the end of their job.

I had a coworker who was told by the boss one day that she had to come to work looking better because her hard to control hair looked sloppy. Well at least she could fix that. But what if it was something harder or more expensive to fix? Who needs the added stress?

Love and the City

2008-05-22T06:46:00.000-07:00

I am not in love with the city I live in. Provided I had the money I’d move to New York, Boston or LA, provided I loved the winter I’d move to Chicago, provided I looked like a model I’d move to Miami, provided I could stand those hair destroying rainy days I’d move to Seattle, provided I found a worthwhile job there I’d move to Philadelphia, provided it was diverse enough I’d move to Denver.

Needless to say I’m ready to go! But why you might ask?

I’m bored.

You’ve heard my rant in the Now What blog but more to the point I’ve reached a level with the city I live in where I am not curious by it. Nothing new. Sure a few new spots open up but it’s the same thing with a different name. Same people there. Same flavor. I’ve done all the museums, been to different clubs/bars/lounges, done sports, dance classes, 5ks, volunteered, checked out many a restaurant, shopped in the boutiques, been to spoken word, plays, checked out every type of festival in town, did outdoor movies and concerts, hosted parties/been to parties, been to wine tasting/ food tasting, themed events. I went to school, college and law school here.
In addition, darn near 80% of my friends are married so our interests are now limited.
I feel like Bill Murray in Ground hog Day at times.

But

Would I feel this way if I was in a relationship? At the very least does a relationship effect the way you see your life and its surroundings. I’m thinking yes. You can tolerate a lot more if there is someone you love refocusing the attention. I’ve seen people determined to leave their city suddenly shift when finding true love.

This is the stuff of movies, as my sister reminded me (for proof see In the Land of Women, Under the Tuscan Sun, The Holiday). People can move for a “change of heart”.
Your relationships with others effects your daily life no doubt.

In Sex and the City they never grew bored of the city because they had each other and active dating lives, not to mention it was in NY people, which is ever exciting. But in the final season when all her friends were in relationships, Carrie decided to pack up and leave with her beau to Paris, telling her friend Miranda that she needed to move on as her friends were doing.
I understand my feelings about this city and I’m not so sure that if I were in a committed relationship my feelings would change, I would simply just tolerate it. Or does a relationship equal change and ,therefore, things you took for granted in the city or experienced as a single person take on a whole new look when you are part of a couple?

I guess, ultimately, when you make a move, know that you are doing it for the right reasons (a new job, better environment) and not to find love or escape it. That wouldn’t bring true satisfaction nor would it provide a guaranteed resolution to your love problems. For me, I want to leave for a new experience (provided I have a job there of course). I’m a writer and for me new environments and experiences feed my creativity so it’s time to find a new city to fall in love with…wish me luck!

Pictures from www.ba-reps.com/artist/oakley/portfolio/2496

Now Entering: The Now What Phase

2008-05-22T05:26:00.001-07:00

You ever accomplish something, reach a goal or certain level and bask in the shine of making it only for it to quickly be overshadowed by thoughts of “what’s next?”. My coworker termed this the “now what” phase. People, I am in that phase and holding strong.

I’m still in my twenties but it will be leaving me sooner than I’d like to have it and I feel like I need to prepare. Please God, don’t let me hit 30 still in the same place I was in my 20s (unless of course you’re talking weight/figure, that I wouldn’t mind holding on to, not to sound vain). I made a list of things that NEED to occur in my life by 30 for me not to fall into an immediate depression. Okay, not all these things need to happen but at least one of them occurring might keep me out of therapy:

Buy a new house,
Move to a new city,
Marriage or something heading towards it
Obtain a certain salary/job level,
Have a trip to South Africa or Italy already in the works,
Publish one of my novels.

Change is good and I need it. I can foresee myself at the end of a proverbial cliff. Not challenged by my job, ready to move, dying to live in a new city if only for a couple of years and of course I would like to get married (not yet really into the kid thing yet- I just saw a make over show on Oprah and all the women looked so old and they all had one thing in common- they had kids- granted they were single mothers, but it was not an advertisement for having kids I tell you! But one day).

Anywho, I am not sitting here drumming my fingers on the desk and talking with no action. I am a woman on a mission and I am trying to get my dreams realized. I have started a housing saving account, applied to jobs in other cities (including some in Europe- DYING to live in London, studied abroad there and big thumbs up to that town even with it’s craptacular weather- how those people remain so darn chipper is beyond me but it was infectious!). I am working hard on my novels and forcing friends to read it for feedback and plan to start sending my work out (for the hundredth time) to agents by summer’s end, my current job will give me the salary I’m looking for by 30 but it’s all about the challenge and not taking the easy route (which only leads to my laziness which is a no-go). Finally South Africa and Italy are still on my radar and have researched the cost. Would love to visit one for my 30th B-day. The marriage thing- well, that’s out of my hands. I can be the best me and just hope along the way someone else (who I’m into) sees the best in me too.

In any event I had to make the decision to, as us colorful southern’s like to say, “Piss or get off the pot”. So I’m making moves people- see ya on the fly!

P.S.- Have you ever been in the now what phase and if so what have you done or plan to do to make a change?

Cuddle up

2008-05-16T05:08:00.000-07:00

So, I heard this on the radio and had to do some research on it.

Apparently there are about 14 cuddle parties going on this weekend. So what the heck is a cuddle party? Well here's wikapedia's information about it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuddle_party

In general, it's a party where adults give and receive non sexual contact, although sometimes kissing can be involved. They come in their pajamas (but they don't take them off) and there is a fee. There are rules and boundaries and no one has to give someone a hug or what not, if they don't want to. There is a coach or "cuddle life guard" and it really seems to be set up like a workshop instead of say some party with music and drinks where people come up to each other and hug. They actually lay down and cuddle.

It's a way, says the creators, for humans to get back in contact with each other in a world of technology that separates us and "deprives us of touch". See also http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/living/2002025447_cuddle05.html

Sounds like some hippy dippy stuff to me but whatever floats your boat. And hey, there must be something into the party because it is in New York, LA, London, Toronto, Melbourne and few other major cities across the US (including one in Maryland and one in Virginia) and the world. It was also featured in an episode of CSI.

Seriously, are we that damn lonely? And don't you wonder who comes to these parties? Pervs or just lonely people? And do only the "hot" people get cuddled? So does poor balding Stanley not get any love there either?

I won't judge but here is the website to the cuddle party: http://www.cuddleparty.com/. And I love the FAQ part: http://www.cuddleparty.com/about/faq.cfm which have some very valid questions. Like is it in fact an orgy? Do clothes stay on? What if something comes "up" (you know what I mean guys).

I'm uncomfortable...

Pictures from http://www.cuddleparty.com/

Why's of the Week

2008-05-14T04:48:00.000-07:00

The next season of the real world will be shot in Brooklyn- Well if you’re going to do Brooklyn why not shoot it in D.C. or Bmore next time? Can’t get much realer than that. Especially now that the producers are hoping to return to the original format where “real” people interacted with each other instead of a bunch of models and actors.

Sarah Jessica Parker at the Sex in the city Premiere- Why? My friend alluded me to this attire and although she may be channeling her inner Carrie Bradshaw for this, it simply looks like a wedding center piece got stuck on her head to me. Sorry SJP!

Hilary takes West Virginia- Why, as I keep asking, for the love of God and all things sacred, won’t this end!? At this point I don’t care who gets it just as long as they are strong enough to whup on McCain. Interesting side note, Obama is now attacking McCain in his campaigning and remaining mum on Hilary. I think that is a good move. Right now, people should be focusing on who is strong enough to beat McCain right now. Obama’s change platform and Hilary’s experience platform won’t mean a hill of beans if they can’t take out McCain.

People wanting to hold conversation at the crack of dawn- Why won’t you let me chill a minute? I get to work before 7am. I’m tired. I barely have enough energy to crack a smile and you want me to hold a full fledge discussion? Let me drink down some caffeine and get my life right.

Lebron James telling his mother to sit her butt down during his game this past weekend- Why- are you still alive? If I had ever said that to my mother, even now, I’d be wondering how I ended up in a hospital room with a bandage on my forehead? I know she was acting out of place but come on, it was Mother’s Day and you could have gotten your point across in a more tactful way. Not cool. Happy freakin Mother's Day! (photo courtesy of yahoo sports)

Why's of the Week

2008-05-07T04:57:00.000-07:00

This is something I might try to start…

Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey married…Why? Mariah, you know you upgraded that boney B- lister big time.

Whitney Houston and Ray J back together…Why? I’m glad you’re doing better Whitney but Ray J? I won’t comment on the fact that you are old enough to be his mother and that I’m not even convinced his voice is done developing yet!

American Idol- Why… don’t you take off that cute little dreadlocked boy, Jason Castro, who can hardly sing! I tend to go do chores around the house while he sings and come back to the TV when he's done.

Flava Flav’s son to take over Flava of Love- Why? What did we do wrong to deserve this next generation of horror?

The San Diego college fraternities who were selling every type of drug out there- Why? Don’t you get into drugs if you (incorrectly) feel there is no other way to make money? Isn’t college supposed to be another way? Tuition money down the drain!

Obama and Hilary each win a state this week- Why… won’t this Democratic battle end so the winner can fully take on McCain?!

To the Lookouts- Thank you

2008-05-06T05:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I like to give a special thank you or shout out to those I think deserve it. Today I'm doing a public thank you to my neighbors:

Thank you for staring out your window at me and my roommate every single day.

Never a day goes buy when we don't hear a blind or window go up so you can look out the window and stare at us.

Never a moment when we step outside that you don't stop your conversation to stare at us like a dog does a bone the whole time until we get into our cars or house. We're totally comfortable with that.

Oh, let us not forget the time a friend came to visit us but we were not there. No need for her to call us, one of you called out the window that we were not there and had been gone for about 10 minutes. That was helpful and not unnerving at all! We appreciate your looking out for our time and attendance. If we get a break in though, don't say, you don't snitch!

Thanks to the teenage boys who call out the window and try to flirt with us. No we don’t find that bothersome.

Thanks to the guy who opened my roommate’s car door when she forgot to lock it and put in a stuffed animal. That was sweet and not creepy in the least. But thanks again for not stealing her car!

Thanks to the neighbors who watched my roommate and myself struggle to lug a big ass TV out of our house to the curb for trash collection but never offered to help. I appreciate the gentlemanly manners.

Thank you to the guys who commented on my friend's and my anatomies as we came back from a long walk/exercise down the "wrong" street to get home. It made us feel all fuzzy inside and not annoyed at all!

So again, thank you neighbors, without you, we might actually like the neighborhood!

Show Me the Money

2008-05-02T10:09:00.000-07:00

So people are starting to get their economic stimulus checks and I wonder- How do you plan to use your $600?

Some financial advisors might say the most personally responsible way to use it might be to pay down some debt, pay bills, invest or put it in your savings account.

But none of these ways will actually help the economy.

The idea is to use that money to buy, buy, buy. But if you are broke, broke, broke putting 600 bucks into a new flat screen tv, a car, jewelry, vacation or a new wardrobe seems a bit financially rebellious.

And then, seriously, after you use it you're right back where you started from except for some with a new debt/expense to pay off!

We still, after getting our one time check, are going to be faced with high gas prices, high food prices, high plane tickets, high gas and electric, high damn near everything! Oh, and then there still will be foreclosure issues, big business bankruptcy and the dollar being worth crap internationally...

This simply seems like a way to put a bandaid on a gushing wound to calm America until Bush gets out of office and then whichever soul takes over is left with a festering sore to heal (gross I know but that's how I feel).

But maybe I'm wrong, I'm no economist, perhaps this will get us back on track (and hey who doesn't like free money?). But if not, our position in this world is going to get pretty ugly...

(illustration from www.austinchronicle.com)

Why Beautiful Women Marry Less Attractive Men

2008-04-23T10:13:00.000-07:00

Ahh the age old question. You see a drop dead gorgeous gal with a mediocre looking guy and you wonder (woman and man) “how did that happen?” There are of course the easy stereotypical reasonings- oh he has money, perhaps she is a high class call girl? But people, maybe for women looks just aren’t everything. Okay, forget the maybes, women definitely aren’t sold on looks alone. But there may be a strategy to that as well. Here’s an article I spotted on my favorite source- Yahoo News, about it. I just cut and pasted the most interesting parts but you can read the full article here http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080410/sc_livescience/whybeautifulwomenmarrylessattractivemen ews.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080410/sc_livescience/whybeautifulwomenmarrylessattractivemen
Jeanna BrynerLiveScience Staff WriterLiveScience.com Thu Apr 10, 11:25 AM ET
Women seeking a lifelong mate might do well to choose the guy a notch below them in the looks category. New research reveals couples in which the wife is better looking than her husband are more positive and supportive than other match-ups.
The reason, researchers suspect, is that men place great value on beauty, whereas women are more interested in having a supportive husband….
The new study, published in the February issue of the Journal of Family Psychology, reveals looks continue to matter beyond that initial attraction, though in a different way.
Supportive spouses
McNulty's team assessed 82 couples who had married within the previous six months and had been together for nearly three years prior to tying the knot. Participants were on average in their early to mid-20s.
Researchers videotaped as each spouse discussed with their partner a personal problem for 10 minutes. The tapes were analyzed for whether partners were supportive of spouses' issues, which included goals to eat healthier, to land a new job and to exercise more often….
A group of trained "coders" rated the facial attractiveness of each spouse on a scale from 1 to 10, with the perfect 10 representing the ultimate babe. About a third of the couples had a more attractive wife, a third a more attractive husband and the remaining partners showed matching looks.
Trophy wives
Overall, wives and husbands behaved more positively when the woman was better looking
The finding "seems very reasonable," said Dan Ariely, a professor of behavioral economics at MIT's Program in Media Arts and Sciences and Sloan School of Management. "Men are very sensitive to women's attractiveness. Women seem to be sensitive to men's height and salary," said Ariely, who was not involved in the recent study.
In couples with more attractive husbands, both partners were less supportive of one another. McNulty suggests wives mirror, in some ways, the level of support they get from husbands.
"The husband who's less physically attractive than his wife is getting something more than maybe he can expect to get," McNulty told LiveScience. "He's getting something better than he's providing at that level. So he's going to work hard to maintain that relationship."
Men who are more attractive than their partners would theoretically have access to partners who are more attractive than their current spouses, McNulty said. The "grass could be greener" mentality could make these men less satisfied and less committed to maintain the marriage….

I found this article to be sad but true. We women may desire our Brad Pitt/ Terrance Howard look-alike but who wants the upkeep and constant worry that they'll find somebody hotter? I just don’t feel women get that “grass is greener” mentality. And the thought of “I can do better” when it comes to looks might appear early on in the relationship but it surely doesn’t stay. Because we ultimately know that a good looking bum won’t get us anywhere! But an “average” (because aren't looks in the eye of the beholder?) guy who is supportive is the best thing in the world!

Can't Touch This- Worst Rapper's of All Time

2008-04-23T09:35:00.000-07:00

While I am HARDLY a Rap Aficionado I found this list to be quite amusing, although I didn't agree with everything. Here's the link to the full list from Yahoo Music http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/listoftheday/2977/the-25-worst-rappers-of-all-time

but I'll just post the top 10. Although I will note that Nelly, Chingy (some of my fremale friends who love him might be angered here but not me!), and Master P made it on the list, however, how did Shaquille O'Neal not get in the top 10? (He was number 11)

10) Marky Mark And The Funky Bunch:
Okay, I may have Roger Rabbitted to this tune and still think Mark Whalberg is a bit of a hottie but yeah, he deserves to be on this list.

9) K-Fed:
He should have never got a record deal...

8) Will Smith:
Now I have to disagree here. Okay, Will Smith is no master emcee but he had way too many hits to be put in the top 10 (albiet half of those hits weren't written by him- shall we put NAS up here for writing Getting Jiggy Wit It for Mr. Smith?)

7) Mr. T:
Who knew?

6) Fred Durst (Limp Bizkit):
I actually liked some songs of Limp Bizkit but agree Fred's no rapper.

5) Puff Daddy:
Thank you for putting him on the list! He sells hit records but can hardly rap or sing. I dub him the male Madonna (because although I love Madge, she is no singing diva). He proves you don't have to have a lot of vocal talent to make hits. Now if only someone would talk over his songs like he does on all the records of his artist...

4) Dee Dee King (The Ramones):
Uhm... Who?

3) Brian Austin Green: Okay he was a cutie on 90210 and still hot on the Terminator series but looks only gets you so far. He really had no business rapping!

2) MC Hammer:
Haters, I liked MC Hammer back in the day. He doesn't deserve to be this high on the list. Is it because he went broke and had a wack wardrobe?

1) Vanilla Ice:
Whether he deserves it or not, whose going to argue?

Watch Out Now!

2008-04-17T06:42:00.000-07:00

According to the Associated Press and Yahoo News, polls are showing that Republican’s are no longer the underdog for the race for the white house. With all the in fighting with the Democrats, McCain is winning back unhappy republicans, some independents and even some democrats.

The Horror! There is nothing we can do but I believe two things should happen to help the Democrats have a greater chance or get back to where they were months ago. There needs to be a democratic winner soon so that they can start campaigning against McCain. They can’t really afford to wait until the end of the summer when McCain already has a jump and pretty much has allowed Clinton and Obama to do most of the mudslinging for him while he goes, for the most part, untouched. I know Clinton and Obama have made remarks concerning McCain’s suitability as leader but if they keep focusing on each other, more importantly if the media keeps just focusing on their verbal battles against one another, the public will continue to get turned off by them. I’m already now feeling like a kid who has her ears covered while mommy and daddy fight!

The second thing that needs to happen is that who ever loses needs to kiss and make up with the winner to ensure that their supporters don’t run to McCain or just not vote if their democratic candidate doesn’t win. Therefore, if Clinton loses she must make a statement that lets the public know that she fully supports Barak and thinks all those who supported her should vote for him. And she must do this often enough and make it known that he is a good leader in spite of what she said during campaigning and focus on how McCain won’t cut it. Then her supporters, hopefully, won’t run off and refuse to vote or vote McCain in retaliation. Same goes for Barak. Basically the two candidates need to restore their images and chop down McCain’s but that won’t happen if they continue to battle so someone needs to concede soon!

Are We Meant to DAte? (AKA- Is Dating Natural?)

2008-04-16T05:21:00.000-07:00

My sister brought this thought up and I told her I would steal it for my blog so...

Okay, so you’ve got your dating books, dating experts, matchmakers, dating websites, dating events (i.e. speed dating) and the ever popular dating reality TV shows. All that to say: We need help to date.
So if we need sooo much help in the dating world, are we really fighting against what the “natural” way should be- your old school match making or arranged marriages? Do your parents or the wise older lady around the corner know what’s best for you? They sure seemed to in the days of Jane Austin (and obviously way before) and in certain customs this is just the way of life. In reality if humans have been living for thousands of years, then, in the span of things, dating is a relatively new area of life.

There isn’t, as far as I know and the people I know who are much more familiar with it, much of any mention of dating in the bible. No advice on what you should and shouldn’t do. No Commandments to break. Yes, I know, we didn’t have cars back in the day either but it doesn’t mean we weren’t meant to drive them but still you can’t help but think there’s something in this whole “dramas of dating” that keeps us perplexed at the whole situation.

Not to say that match making and arranged marriages don’t have their problems but I’m reluctant to say that independent dating has resulted in such great outcomes (what with the divorce rate so high). I’m simply wondering if the need for so much assistance in dating and the drama that comes with the dating territory is a result of our unsuccessful attempts at a process that we really don’t have any business being in.

Yes, we have free will and aren’t some primitive animal that simply finds a mate whose scent we like (at least I hope not) but a little old school help might have been a better method in terms of finding a suitable mate for marriage. You’re looking for good husband/wife material but a match maker may actually know what that entails precisely. We get caught up in physical chemistry but the match maker knows that won’t sustain us. And if two parties are willing to be hooked up by a match maker that’s already saying (hopefully) that those parties are serious at finding a sustaining relationship. The match maker knows both parties and what would be needed, so you’re coming to the table with the idea that if the match maker saw something in the other you should give this guy/girl a deeper look yourself.

Dating is simply cutting out the middle man (the match maker) but that middle man was important and on our own are we just lost in a dating storm? It seems, maybe, yes. But then again, I need a little middle ground here. I don’t care how fabulous the guy is, if you’re trying to match me up with Flava Flav (yes he seems to be my punching bag) then I’m not budging AT ALL!

I don’t know, it just seems lately that a lot of people are getting tired of the whole dating game and willing to let someone else (even if just a dating site) do their “dirty work” for a while. So it seems, in the fight between dating vs. match making, dating is taking one too many hits down for many of us.